Childless mother...

by Deborah
(California)

Over the last several years I've lost seven babies. Every one of them at a different point in the pregnancy. Yet, it doesn't matter. It hurts.... With the first four, I managed to bounce back fast. I made myself so busy that for years I didn't have time to take a breath. Thanks to my need to be busy and ignore my pain, I put myself thru school. Yet, it wasn't as easy to bounce back from the last three babies.

I am a childless mother.... One that has given birth four times and has nothing to show for it but empty hands and an aching heart... I've seen my body go thru the changes that pregnancy mandates. I have opened my heart time and time again to the possibility that this time will be it. That this time I'll be able to carry to full term and I'll be able to bring home my baby. But it hasn't happened...

I can't find any more buffers to keep me distracted. I can't find no where to hide. I have reached a turning point. A point in my life when I'm forced to deal with the pain. Trust me, I'm still looking for some type of distraction to avoid reality, but in my heart I know I can't run no more. Is time to face the music. Is time to deal with the pain, the disappointment, the anger, the anguish... A part of me wants to keep on running, but I want to heal. I want to move on with the rest of my life. I want to become an emotionally healthy human being.... I want to rise above the pain....

Comments for Childless mother...

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Dec 16, 2012
Massage--a gentle suggestion
by: Laura

Dear Deborah,
I'm pasting a letter below that I wrote and sent to my OB/GYN's office and to several other OB/GYN offices in my area, along with donated certificates for massages . . . I'm so sorry to learn of your loss . . . I've been there, and I know the depth of the pain.
Warmly,
Laura


--OOPS! I tried to paste the letter, but it had "too many characters . . . " I'll try to reach you another way. I wish you peace, healing, and fulfillment . . .


May 13, 2012
I wrote this for women like u
by: Floyd (South Africa)

This is to all the mothers who have no children.
To those that lost their babies before birth and to those who lost their children after birth, I cannot even begin to imagine ur pain. Rest assured that they r with the Lord and one day u will c them again, they’ve saved a place 4 u heaven. This is to those that have been told they can never bare children, believe not the doctor’s report; For Hebrews 11:11 says “Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.” Live by faith and not by sight. To those that had to give up their kids for adoption;Yes, this is for the mothers who aborted, no matter what the reason, for in John 8:7 Jesus says “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her”. But remember that in verse 11 He says “go, and sin no more”. This is for all those women who wish they cud be wished a happy mothers’ day today, ur wish is granted… HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY.

Dec 26, 2011
WHATS A MOTHER'S LOVE
by: JAMES

IN my childhood when i was about 3 or 4 years old my parents were poisoned from my uncle my father's big brother he killed them for the piece of land. my auntie took me to her place where i lived few years from day one she was hard on me never allowed me to play or do anything not even let me watch tv. and when her kids broke something they blame me that i broke it and i got the beating .. when i got 12 she put me in orphan house. and now i am22 & out doing sony salesmen job and have no family and friends

Aug 25, 2011
thankyou
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your story. I also have experienced many miscarriages and one stillborn her name was Savanna. So what do we do? I have been seriously considering foster parenting. Adoption costs way too much money. I know you must long for a child and for the children you have lost. I think of my babies all the time. I know they are safe with God and they will be with us when we pass on. We are their mothers!!! But there are so many beautiful living children out there that would love us as their mothers even if it was temporary. We could be the light of their lives and they could be ours as well. Just food for thought I guess.

Jun 20, 2011
Sorry!
by: MotherofThree

I am in the middle of a miscarriage right now, and the emotional pain is immense. I say MotherofThree as my name because I have two boys and one that will not be with us on earth. But I am still a mother of three. You, my strong woman, are a mother of seven--much greater than I. I am so proud of you for facing your pain. I will not completely be able to understand all that you have gone through and are going through, but I am proud of you. I am sorry for all of your emotional pain.

May 24, 2011
Childless Mother
by: Anonymous

My heart aches for you. I just recently lost my husband ~ without my children I don't know if I would have been able to go on.
Life seems so unfair sometimes. It's a natural part of life for a woman to bear children. It really is disgusting that women abort their pregnancies like they are terminating a job they no longer care to have.
I have several people in my life who weren't able to bear children.....many miscarriages....still births. Everyone of these women would've made excellent mothers. Why? I have no answers.
It's hard not to think of your losses as failures but that's not what God intended. There must be another purpose for your life. It may come to you when you least expect it. There are so many children in foster care who are starving for a mother's love. Talk to God and ask him to give you the direction for your life. The pain has to be overwhelming and confusing. Why me? I know that's what I would be asking myself were I in your situation.
I hope you can try to find some good in today. Come to this web site and vent your feelings often. It really helps. Blessings to you.

May 24, 2011
My heart goes out to you!
by: Anonymous

My God how much loss can one person face! I am so sorry for you that you have gone through such tragedy. As a mother that has buried a child far too young I understand the pain of your loss. Hang in there and work through the pain of your loss and know that in this big world you are not alone. Prayers going out for you.

May 23, 2011
Keep moving forward
by: Sherry

I am sorry that you had to suffer the loss of all those pregnancies, and how much you long for a child of your own.

Then I think of all of the millions of women who could carry a baby to term, only to willingly abort them. I personally know of a woman who aborted seven times.

Dear lady, be of good heart, bear this cross as well as you can, I will pray for you that there is some doctor out there who can help you. Do not give up hope, ever. Trust in God no matter how long it takes. Something just might materialize that will work. Keep searching.

Keep going forward. Love, Sherry

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