by Christine Dillman
(Altoona, Pa USA)

My son, Eddie died on June 2,2011, He was out of town with a girl he was seeing and I was told he died of a Pulmonary Embolism, but there were other complications. He was an uncontrolled diabetic. Had suffered an injury to his rib 5 days before he died and was in a lot of pain. Was to ER and told to follow up with family doctor the next day, Instead of keeping appt., he went to see the girlfriend, who is a heroin addict. He was trying to help her and she txt him to come over. He had thrown her out two weeks before this and hadn't seen her. He should have stayed here and gone to Dr. There are so many unanswered questions and I was handling it all pretty well until about 2 weeks ago. Now, I feel this unbearable sadness and some anger and guilt! I feel like I can't show how I really feel, cause it's been 10 weeks and I should be better! He was such an important part of my life! I have become bitchy, mean and want to just be alone to think!

Comments for Christine

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Dec 25, 2011
Thank you all!
by: Chistine

Thank all of you for UR kind words! It;s Christmas Day..A hard one for all of us! It really is a roller coaster ride!!!1 God Bless all of you!!

Aug 12, 2011
from Shirley in Cali
by: Anonymous

{{{hugs}}}...this is very fresh for you. Be gentle on yourself. There is no way you should "be over this" by now and do not let anyone tell you how to grieve. It's going to be a roller coaster ride for a long time to come my friend. I lost my son 1 year and 3 days ago to leukemia. He was only 23. Here is a quote from marsha Flynn Abbott about losing a child:
"Recovering from loss? I'm not sure anyone can be expected to recover from the death of their child; considering the value of what was lost and the consequences of that loss. I think recovery is a misleading and empty expectation. We recover from broken limbs and bad illnesses. This type of loss goes into the category of catastrophic...Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will either transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same. There is no going back to the past. The future will..and must include the pain of the past with it. Sorrow never entirely leaves the soul of a parent who endures the death of a child. If anything, it takes us to a deeper place in which we have the opportunity to come face to face with...the soul."

Aug 11, 2011
by: Anonymous

so sorry for you loss do know how you must be feeling my son did in his sleep on the 18th of june we still have no answers but he was on warfarin for a blood clot he took when he was 27 he was 41 when he died almost 8 weeks still no answers feel your pain take care love sarah xxxx

Aug 11, 2011
Who Said
by: judith in California

Christine, I'm so sorry for your loss and want you to know others do care.

Who said you you should be better by now. goodness it's only been 2 months. It takes months, sometimes years to come to peace with the death of a loved one, especially a child. Grief has no time's one minute, one breath at a time. You will go through so many different feelings because it's an emotional roller coaster. Give yourself all the time you need , you cannot rush it away.

You will always have a grief corner for your Son. Cry when you need to anytime you want and make no apologies for it to anyone.

God Bless you in your journey to peace.

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