First,/third/ thirteenth? I don’t think it will make any real difference-apart from the fact I don’t want to be here for this one, never mind the next- or any after! Why must I go on?
I have ‘cancelled’ my first Christmas without my darling husband. I gave all our decorations to a charity shop, after he died, aged 56, nine months ago, because I understood then that I wouldn't be able to surround myself with the trappings of Christmas ever again. I've asked friends/family not to send presents or cards because I knew I couldn’t cope with opening them alone...Thankfully, they have all agreed.
I found myself standing outside a shop yesterday, waiting with fingers in my ears, as they belted out ‘It will be lonely this Christmas without you’...and I only wanted to buy some milk!
I admire those who have the strength to ‘move forward’.
But for me, the clichés aren’t working . I ‘died’ nine months ago when my husband took his last breath.
People say the good die young. Is that why I can’t I be with him?
I don't want to 'survive' in this world. Why would anyone want to survive without their soulmate?