Christmas agony

by Colleen
(Edenvale, Gauteng, South Africa)

Christmas Eve and I am sitting wrapping presents (without a tree) when it came to writing the tags and I only had to put my name on the tags it was a complete meltdown it took me an forever to write the first tag. I am going to my sister for Christmas dinner and I so do not want to go. The pretense of being happy is just too much. She reminds me of every thing I no longer have. So I will pray for the holiday season to pass as quick as possible.

To all the people going through this agony please know that you are in my thoughts.

Comments for Christmas agony

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Dec 25, 2010
One more kiss, one more hug...
by: Hope

Christmas Morning 9:30 A.M
Boo opened his presents and exclaimed "This is the best Christmas Ever!" The smile pasted to my face was forced and fake. Last night Christmas Eve Was the absolute PITS! I sobbed at some point wanting one more kiss. One More Hug. One last time.

It will Never be again, so I pray that he will see me in my dreams and I can smile for real if only for a moment.

Yesterday I cooked all day to keep my mind at bay from the loneliness that was trying to eat me alive. I cooked until there was nothing left to cook and lay down at 8:30. Midnight finally came, Christmas morning and finally I slept. No Paul, no kiss, no hug in my dreams.

Hear's hoping you all are surviving Christmas better than I am...

Dec 25, 2010
Christmas tags
by: Lyn Ann

Christmas tags were also incredibly painful for me - my Jim died on November 20th. With every tag I was reminded that I am now on my own.

But we have to take those breaths and write those tags and go to those dinners through all of the tears. Each time it will get a little less hard, I think.
take care, Lyn Ann

Dec 24, 2010
God Bless
by: Pat J

I lost my husband three weeks ago. I also started to write from Grandma and Grandpa on the first tag. I went to a doctors appointment next week and when I had to circle W in the marital status field I went to pieces.

Today is Christmas Eve. Every year for my entire life I started to feel the magic of Christmas from the minute I woke up in the morning. There is no magic this year. I can't wait for it to be over. Although I do feel there is something to celebrate my heart is not in it. I'll try to get through this evening and tomorrow the best I can. I pray for you and all of us who are grieving this Christmas.

Dec 24, 2010
A Christmas wish for you-strength
by: Hope


I know how agonizing it is this Christmas, the numbness that carried you through the first month is gone and now the reality of it all hits so very hard. All the memories pelting you from every direction. Please continue to come here for strength and renewal. Knowing we all feel it too.

As I wrapped my first gift it felt as though the paper were razors and the tape tears as I forced my shaking hands to perform what I did not feel.

I too will be going to my brothers house, an invitation that I began to refuse at first.
But for my child's sake I tried to make this as "Normal" as possible.

Just know that it does get easier. It seems such a slow progression that you think that you are not moving forward at all. breath at a time. Cry if you need laugh if you can and remember to come here often.

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