Christmas coping skills

by Hope
(Tappahannock VA)

How are you handling your first, second Christmas alone?
HH

Comments for Christmas coping skills

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Dec 13, 2010
runaway emotions
by:

Zoe,

You are on a runaway horse without a saddle, never having riden before. Just hold on for dear life and go with the insane ups and downs. Red plates be damned and all that goes with the holiday. You will get through this as you have the rest of this awful rollercoaster of grief.

Just hang on it will be all right. Remember how far you have come. We all have those weak moments where we feel totally out of control as if we are the sorry game pieces and have been put back to the starting place to start all over again.
Keep writing we are listening...
HH

Dec 13, 2010
Example
by: Zoe

Someone who was moving was giving away pantry items
So my daughter and son in law and I went over
We got unopened food, cleaning supplies, paper products
The they handed my daughter Christmas plates for our Christmas eve party
I said we aren't having a party this year as I felt the tears start to well up
My daughter said well I'm going to do munchies for us we can use these plates right? And I burst into tears
My daughter and son in law were trying to comfort me
My friend kept running around, it's just red I didn't know she didn't like red
I told them to just take the plates it would be ok
They are just red plates, right?
Am not coping am working in reverse
This pain is crushing
I feel like that flower that gets stuck between two
Paving stones and the life is just crushed out of it
I can't do this without him
I don't want to
Zoe

Dec 13, 2010
Christmas coping skills
by: Mari

Hi everyone. I do not feel like decorating for Christmas. We are spending the day at my daughters house anyway and she has her place decorated.

I am looking forward to my grandaughter having her baby around Christmas. joy in the midst of sorrow. My husband would have been beside himself with joy over a great grandchild.

I am staying real busy to keep my mind occupied. I am making a lot of changes in my home and work outside and with tenants. Of course, there are church activities too. A Jericho walkathon is coming up on the 19th.

My way of coping is to keep working and keep praying. We need to keep up the faith and keep going.

God bless all of you.

Dec 12, 2010
Christmas
by: Lyn Ann

Jim died just 3 weeks ago. I am trying to keep things as normal as possible for our 17 year old son.

I used to really look forward to the time off over the holidays but now I can't imagine anything worse. To be honest, it scares me.

So we are going away. Far away. Australia - where Christmas is pleasant but doesn't feel at all like a 'real' Christmas. And we won't come back until all of the Christmas trees are gone and the Christmas lights have been taken down.

Dec 10, 2010
How I cope...
by: Hope

Having a child I must do.....something. I did end up having someone else put the tree in Boo's room. I cannot bear to look at it. Since My Love died just before last Christmas I will be doing the minimal. Boo should not have to suffer with a bah humbugger, but it is hard very hard to fake joy or excitement.

I say to all with families that want some of the traditional festivities for Christmas, let them deal with it. We have a valid excuse for the time being. Last year in a haze I actually did that stuff as through it were a responsibility!

Christmas comes from the heart and mine is still broken, maybe next year...
HH

Dec 10, 2010
Christmas coping skills
by: Mari

This is going to be my second Christmas without my husband.I spent last year at my daughters house and it is blur as my husband had only been gone a month. This year my daughter is coming from LA with the grandkids and we will go to my other daughter's house.

I miss my sweetheart. But there will be a mixture of joy because a new baby is coming around Christmas, a new life and my first great grandchild. Sorrow that my husband will not get to see the new baby.

One thing I can say is that God has been with me all through this. It has been really difficult but I feel much stronger. My main problem is missing him. God bless all of you. We will make it through.

Dec 10, 2010
holidays suck without my LJ
by: Anonymous

Thanksgiving was horrible, a week before I'm pretty sure I had a nervous breakdown. I cried all Thanksgiving day, surrounded by friends & family & have never felt so alone. I can't even think about Christmas without feeling sick to my stomach. Shopping would be impossible, I cant even go get groceries without a meltdown.

Its been 3 months since I lost my Lynda Jo, seems like yesterday. I wish u all the best of luck thru the holidays & in life, may we all get to see the light at the end of this very long tunnel. My heart goes out to every one of u.

Dec 10, 2010
Christmas coping skills
by: Donna

I quit my job at Walmart Nov 17, 2010. I told my ex-boss that I just not emotionally ready to come back to work. I have a hard enough time trying to cope with every day life, but to work at Walmart during the holidays, I just can't do it I'm sorry.

I can't stand all of the damn pleasantries. Every time someone even says how are you today I feel like screaming NOT WELL, I WILL NEVER BE DOING WELL AGAIN thank you. How can I be smiley and happy?? My everything is gone and never coming back.

The kids want to put up the lights and tree for the grandbabies (2 & 3). Bryan would want that I'm sure since Christmas was his favorite of all of the holidays. I don't know how to do it, nor do I want to do it without him. So what am I supposed to do?? I know that I have to let them do it, it was a tradition. So I will stand back and watch, that's all I can do at least this year. Maybe next year???

I hate to hear or say it anymore but here goes; Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year. We many people with great loss deserve to have happy holidays too. Thank you ALL and God Bless.

Dec 08, 2010
Surrounded by sadness
by: Ms Mack

I don't think I know too many adults that are really HAPPY about Christmas. The real focus has been lost along the way and replaced with stress. Regardless of everyone else, I'm sad, lonely and not into anything. I don't feel like celebrating without him. I'll just keep a low profile and go through the motions for the family's sake but I'm just not into it at all.

Dec 08, 2010
Holidays
by: Anonymous

I am hating the holidays. It's been 3 mos. since my husband died and I would like to just sleep until about March.

Dec 08, 2010
coping skills
by: Shirley

Total avoidance is my plan. I can't stand to even hear Christmas music.

Dec 08, 2010
Christmas not the same
by: Anonymous

Christmas, what are you kidding?! Last year I had both my daughters, now just one. I will try to manage some type of Christmas because of her, but it feels so hollow now. I feel like I just want to hide in a hole and not come out!

Dec 08, 2010
Existing or Coping
by: Judith

Hi Hope, you are probably doing as well as I am under the circumstances. It's the worst time of year to be alone and know that it's just the beginning of many special days alone. Saturday is my birthday and it's the first in 35 1/2 years without him.

Chuck Loved Christmas and I loved decorating for him. He was like a kid at Christmas. We would go to all the stores and look for a couple of new decorations.

So far this week I have wakened with the idea that I would get the tree up and decorate but it's almost Thursday and the tree is still in the box.

My son is visiting with me and if it weren't for him I'd just be sitting in a chair and crying a lot more than I do. Today we were shopping for food and I just burst into tears.

Oh I guess I'm coping as well as anyone who lost their husband under three months ago.

Dec 08, 2010
Rockledge FL
by: Judy

I am just ignoring it. Last year, the first, my daughter came and was cheerfully determined to make it ok. I don't remember much to be honest. I was still in the shocked foggy state. I do remember that we went out to eat and two college graduates had trouble finding the Cocoa Beach Pier. So much for my coping skills.

This year I'm running away, back to CA, to be close to family & friends. I will spend the day with her in what is essentially a Jewish home, so I don't expect anything much to happen except the day will pass by and be gone. I wish all these holidays were gone.

I know you have a child at home so whatever he needs probably will be your guide.

Here is a hug from Florida.

JM

Dec 08, 2010
Christmas coping skills
by: Jules

Hope - I'm doing ok - flying to be with my son, cooking Christmas lunch up here for my daughter and her family the Sunday before I go, so getting prepared for that - pressies for kids etc., turkey, ham and that - this will be the first time I have really cooked for about 18 months, you may remember we were caravanning before John died, and we both cooked when we were on the road.
So that will be a challenge - hope I remember and get it alright. I actually feel like I am just going through the motions most of the time, but I will be fine.

What about you - how are you going? I hope you are coping ok.

Colleen - please take heart lovee - know you can come here at any time and talk to us - we do know what you are going through - and we care - you can tell us the things you are finding it hard to talk about with family and friends. I know that sharing my feelings on here helps enormously.

All take care - one breath, one step (and maybe another eggnog???? or vodka???)
jules

Dec 08, 2010
coping
by: Jen

Its two years on 18 Dec since i lost Richard.
My teenage girls and i head again to London as we did over the anniversary last year. I am looking forward to the trip away with the kids.

Christmas well......
I will provide a good and enjoyable Christmas for the kids and i enjoy doing this and seeing them smile. Its so hard doing santa on your own tho as its a family time and im on my own.
They deserve this after what they have been thro.
I will do as Richard and i always did and have people in for mulled wine and company. I love company, Richard and i loved bringing people together.

Life is very different now but i will survive. I know Richard would have wanted me too..

All the best to every one.

Jen

Dec 08, 2010
Christmas Coping
by: Margaret

I am placing all my focus on Christ. we are going to celebrate the best we can, I miss Mom greatly, but my children need to have Christmas, and her grandchildren were so important to her. It doesn't mean that we are going to cancel Christmas, but we are going to focus more on the reason for the season and remember that Mom would of wanted us to do so. She is in Gods hands now, that is the best Christmas gift she could ever receive!

Dec 08, 2010
Coping
by: Zoe

I'm not
No decorations, no Christmas music
The presents I have to buy are being bought on line and mailed
No stores, no parties, no special food
Just another day
Except for the tape that keeps playing through my
Head of last year
And then I cry and ball up in a ball.

Dec 08, 2010
Christmas
by: Colleen

I am not coping at all this will be my first Christmas alone. It is now 20 days since Bruce died. I can not do this any more.

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