My Guardian Angel, Watch Over Him Until Were Together
I cried myself to sleep this Christmas Eve ~ I closed my eyes and remembered every Christmas, every feeling with my heart breaking again. I've had friends, family and previous work friends from Arkansas text me and wishing a Merry Christmas. I wish it was a "Merry" Christmas but at this time I feel more like the Grinch.
I was getting my hair done yesterday because Billy always believed I should do something for myself. So I sat waiting my turn and "I'll Be Home for Christmas" came over the speakers and the tears threaten to fall, will really they did fall and I had no control. I sat looking at my nails (another "To Do" Billy liked) and I never felt so alone in my life. At least no one saw me crying.
Today's Christmas day I'll be spending it with my brother's wife's family. Lets hope for the best.
I wish Christmas was done and over so I wouldn't have this fake smile and its OK attitude. They don't want to know so they don't ask. I'm finding its better that way.
My prayers to us all is just a little moment of peace. I can't believe it only been 6 months ~ I feel the hole in my heart will never mend. So I wait and believe some day Billy and I will be together. So I'll remember each day to take it ~
1 step, 1 breath at a time