by Cari Jo
(LaBelle, FL, USA)
12-24-2010 lost one of my best friends since the 6th grade, in the past 2 years his brother has become my fiance so he was around a lot more than before. I guess I'm stuck between the denial and angry stage. I don't understand how our "friends" could run from the car accident and leave him in the road! I mean I understand they were drunk but at that point who cares about what kind of trouble you're going to be in. John is gone!
Sometimes it doesn't feel real, sometimes I just need to hide away and cry. I don't feel like I should cry in front of his bother or mom because they need someone to be strong. He was the one I talked to about my problems or about his brother..now i'm left alone with my thoughts and feelings.
His brother is devastated and i'm not even sure how to handle what he's feeling, I know I can't take away his pain or the families pain, but I just feel useless. Have no choice but to try to move forward with 2 small kids to raise.
Christmas day was hard because we already had presents under the tree and wrapped for the kids from him. Life isn't fair I know, but why is it so hard to get my mind to understand he's gone. I didn't want to see him but a part of me wishes they would have had a viewing so it would make it more real maybe.