Christmas nightmare

by Josh Darling

Well Christmas was right around the corner, my mom had not worked in a year and a half, and she got a new job I was so proud of her. But I could just feel that something bad was going to happen. We didn't put up the tree, and my mom seemed sad, just not the same, if I said no instead of us arguing she would just walk away and not say anything. 3 days after Christmas my dad and mom were arguing and my dad was drunk, he confronted her about adultery that they both had been guilty of, she was crying or hours and finally just got calm, and she said josh, you know I always loved you right? I hugged her and she said I'm going to bed. I found 2 empty pill bottles next to her bed and called my sister. She said just keep a close eye on her for the next few hours, I close the door and tell my dad something is up and he had been drinking, he went in my moms room to check on her and I started a movie. All I heard my dad say (pardon the language) oh my ****ing god, I had a broken leg at the time and stumbled back there, my moms face was purple and had white bubbles coming from her mouth and nose, he called 911 and they showed up in a ambulance, they could not find our house and I stumbled down the snowy road with my krutches and yelled for them, they never saw me. I went back inside and flashed my porch light for 1 minuets and they came, they dragged my mom out of her bed and began trying to start her heart back up. I was freaking out at this point. A police officer said I shouldn't see this and brought me over to the neighbors house at 11:24 PM. I waited for a half an hour and waited and waited. Finally they got my mom heart started but it wasn't looking too good. They rushed her to the hospital and I got there with some family, they brought my family into a consultant room and they said there was nothing they could do for her and she was gone. My life changed from that point. Seeing my mom in a casket hurt me so bad. She took 12000 MG of Xanax and seroquel. I know I'm not the same anymore and people have told me, 6 months after she died I got expelled from high school, and then my next alternative high school only 3 months later, I got expelled from. I don't know what to do my dad isn't the same anymore and we never get along. I feel as if Its my fault she did what she did. It rewinded my life, I'm 16 years old and already know I'm just gunna be a loser because I can't do anything right:(

Comments for Christmas nightmare

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Jul 11, 2012
Thank you
by: Anonymous

It makes me so happy to see those comments, thank you so much!!

Jul 10, 2012
Christmas Nightmare
by: Doreen U.K.

Josh I am sorry for the loss of your mom. This is such a terrible tragedy for your family. You will never be the same again after this loss to suicide and sudden death. You need to go and see a bereavement counsellor to support you all. You all need support due to this type of death. Your mom was so unhappy to do something like this. Who knows what was in her mind? She just reached the edge and tried to stop her world and get off. Josh you can't allow yourself to spiral down into depression which is why you must see a counsellor URGENTLY. You are so young. This will affect you greatly if you don't deal with the grief now. Don't blame yourself for what happened. Your mother was an Adult. So is your Dad. You are behaving more like the adult and this is not right. Adults can behave irresponsibly. Don't carry the guilt. We all have a CHOICE in life and some people make the wrong CHOICE based on where they are at in life. Take time out for yourself to get back together in your mind and you will be able to move forward better with support. You must finish school at some point in your life and then go on and do what you need to do to work in life. You cannot be your parents caretakers. If your father is drinking it is because he can't cope and is trying to drown out his sorrows. It doesn't work long term. You need to find some adult in your family e.g. Uncle, Aunt, who can take control of the situation and put something in place for you all as a family to cope and survive this tragedy. Do not carry the guilt for what happened. You have to forgive yourself for the things said and done in the family. This is life. We don't always get it right. But keep trying. don't ever give up. Put God in your life as you need Him now and forever as He is our only HOPE. I hope the days ahead are better for you and that you will do everything to take care of yourself. You will finish your education. You will succeed in Life. You will go on to be Happy and make your Mum proud of you which I am sure she already was.

Jul 10, 2012
by: Anonymous


What happened to you and your family is terrible. I'm so sorry. It's going to be tough for along time, but try to honor your mom's memory by finishing school. Don't give up on yourself.

Be well.

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