Christmas without mum

by Kerry

As the season gets closer i am approaching it with mixed feelings. This is my first ever christmas without my mum. It was always a very special time for us. Evry detail would be gone over, most years we would begin collecting and saving from January.
Even when I was her Carer, when she was housebound and unable to shop with me we still discussed every detail. My mum loved jewellery and I always went to a certain place for her, I loved the ritual or choosing her gift, putting it by and collecting a few days before.
This year is silent, for the first time I am going for christmas to my sons, i struggle to find joyful anticipation despite looking forward to being with my grandsons. I have a strange ambivalence about this year. It feels like the heart has been ripped out of it for me. I will make sure no one sees this, I won't be self-indulgent with my grief, she would have hated that. I intend to work hard at fun and joy, but I struggle to cope with the reality that there will be no more of those cherished Christmases.
A box of crackers ruined my day, a trip to the jewellers with my friend to choose her mums gift left me reeling with grief, just as I was when she passed this May. I think of her all the time and cry. Friends say its early days, it gets better when the first anniversary passes because you stop comparing with the year before.
I will learn to enjoy christmas again, it's in my nature and grandchildren are wonderful, I just hope that wherever mum is she is celebrating with me.

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Dec 23, 2013
"My Living Rose"
by: Jeff

I lost my living rose, "My Mother." She passed away on October 20th 2013 I am an only child and I have always lived at home. My father passed away in 2007 Shortly after my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast and bone cancer. She didn't have to have chemo or radiation. They gave her cancer medication to treat it. She also needed a hip replacement but because of the cancer in the bones they couldn't operate. She was able to get out, but I took her everywhere in a wheelchair. I took care of her the whole time and I gave up my job to be with her. She loved watching the Boston Red Sox, and I can still hear her yelling when they would get a home run. In July, her cancer spread to her liver and lungs. It was so painful seeing her become weak. She lost her appetite and had to depend on oxygen. During the last month of her life I had to hold her when she had to use the bathroom. When she died, a piece of me died. I developed anxiety attacks and stomach distress. The house is so very quiet now, and when I walk in there is no sound. I can't stay in the house very long and I am out most of the day. I am writing this on December 23rd. I am supposed to go to my cousins for Christmas eve and Christmas day. Christmas was always special at home. I enjoyed seeing my mother opening her Christmas gifts. I pray that God will give me peace of mind to get me through this. I have been talking to others about Heaven. My concern was, will my mother know me when I die and will I see her if God accepts me into Heaven. From what I have read, everyone seems to think we will see one another again. I don't think God meant for us to live with our parent's all our lives, and then when they passed away never to see them again. May all of you find hope and strength in the words of Jesus, "Life has not ended only changed." He also said, "In My fathers house are many mansions." May we all live in the hope of seeing our loved ones again. They say in order to enter Heaven, we must believe in our heart and soul that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and we must turn our lives over to him. May our Loving Savior give us strength and may he fill our hearts with his Holy Spirit. I will pray for all that posted, and I ask that you pray for my courage and peace of mind to see me through this also.
God Bless,
Jeff C

Dec 05, 2012
I can relate
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain and wanted you to know you weren't alone. I lost my dad the weekend after Thanksgiving and I am not looking forward to Christmas.

Dec 04, 2012
Christmas without mum
by: Kerry

I just want to say thank you to those who responded to my piece. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I live in a town called Rochester in the UK and we have a beautiful cathedral with a Lady chapel.
i usually go there to light a candle and pray for my mum. next week i will go there and light a candle for each of you and your mums, my prayers will be for all of you this Christmas. Thank you so much again for your words of strength, they really have helped.

Dec 04, 2012
Christmas without mum
by: Doreen U.K.

Kerry I am sorry for your loss of your mum. Your friends are trying to cheer you up by saying that it will be better for you after the first year. No one knows for sure how long grief will last. We all have different life experiences and our grief will be different from others. There can be no comparison. Otherwise you will be saying as others do. "Why am I not over this now"? "Why am I stuck in the same place with the same feelings?" You will start questioning yourself based on what others are telling you. Christmases will never be same for any of us struggling with the loss of a loved one. Especially if it is the first Christmas without our loved one. It will be the first Christmas without my husband of 44yrs. who died 7 months ago. I have to make the effort for my youngest daughter. As a mother I was responsible as most mothers are for the preparation and planning of Christmas because that is what women do as homemakers. Father's tend to put the decorations up and some even cook as my husband loved to do. So when these loved one's are no longer with us it is a big wrench to our whole system. Life will never be the same for us for a long long time. In years perhaps we will get used to living a different way and altering how we do things. But we do have to eventually carry on the traditions for those left behind. WE have to keep the memories alive so they can be handed down to our children and grandchildren to form the fabric of the continuing FAMILY!.
Our loved ones are at Peace, Safe, Secure in God's hands.
My husband was dying of cancer for the last 3 yrs. and for the whole of these 3yrs. Steve could not taste his food and he lost a lot of weight not eating. This was so cruel for me and our family to see. We couldn't enjoy Christmas. We just tolerated it and hoped we would see a better one. Now it is just me and my daughter. The other 2 are married with families of their own carrying on their own family traditions. I hope that you and all of us grieving manage Christmas Day the best way we can. That we will all go on to eventually recover enough to carry on with our lives and many more Christmases bringing happiness and joy to our families and others who come our way.

Dec 04, 2012
by: Ella

I certainly can relate to your pain, this is the first Christmas without my "Little Mama". My feelings are like a roller coaster, there are days I feel like I'm on top of the world then suddenly I find myself crying my heart out. I am going thru the rital of decorating the house including mama's room, she loved decorating for each hoilday. I really miss her, I new this day would come when we would have to part our ways, but I never imagined it would be so difficult. I often think what I am I doing to do with my life. I cared for my "Little Mama" for 16 years, 5 months, 7 days, 15 hours and 35 minutes. I keeping believing that God is walking with me, side by side. Merry Christmas "LITTLE MAMA"

Dec 04, 2012
My Mother died on Christmas day 2008
by: Kim

Hi, I know how you feel. My Mom was my best friend. She was 66 years old when she died suddenly of a heart attack on Christmas Day 2008 in the arms of my son, who was 18 years old at that time. It devasted him and me to the point where we are not looking forward to Christmas anymore. It is painful and it will never be the same but you have to think of your good times and her spirit will always be with you in your heart.
Pray a little prayer and maybe you will see her in a beautiful dream again. I will say a prayer for you tonight. Best wishes, Kim

Dec 03, 2012
by: flavia

I am too in the same position, I suddenly lost my mother last month and found her dead at home. I know things will never be the same and certainly there will be times when you are down and up but try and remember that when a person departs this world they are always close to you. Your mother lives on in you , in all you do. It will take time as I said,mbut keep strong as she would have wanted you to.

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