Christmas without Sean

by Carol, Seans mom
(Bellingham,mass, usa)

Hello. This is Seans mom. My son died on November 15,2011. He died in his sleep and very unexpected. He had plans for his future. Sean wanted a family and a home. He was such a sweet soul if you got to actually know him. He expected a lot of himself and made mistakes that could be fixed but put so much pressure on himself. He never got the chance to see how wonderful he would of done and what a great dad he would of been. Christmas time he talked to me about just having quality time. We were looking forward to it. I sit here this morning drinking my coffee and talking to him like I do every morning. What happened to our quality time? Are you ok? Are you scared? So many questions I have. I miss my son so much my body literally aches from head to toes. I am told it is a sign of depression. Who wouldnt be? He was the oldest of three children and my only son. His sisters are struggling also and we all just try to be there for each other. Seans dad and I arent together anymore but have always remained friends. We talk now about how we feel and we cant believe this has happened. Life can be cruel and unfair. Christmas was just a very painful experience and I expect that New Years wont be any better. I miss you my beautiful boy and cant believe what you have already missed. I think of you all the time and wish I could have you back. Holidays in 2012 will be very different. I need low key now to just spend time with my thoughts. Seans birthday is Easter weekend next year,good Friday to be exact. April 6th. That will be my most special holiday . I wish everyone grieving lots of hope.