Christopher Hayes...

by Natalie Hayes

We'll I'm 12.. And just yesterday I found out that my brother Chris (that I had no idea even existed until yesterday) passed away during his moms term. She had a full 9months but he came out gone. I've always wanted an older brother and he would be 18 this year... Going off to collage, living his dreams... But 17 years ago my dad met his mom and they thought they wanted to have the baby but it didn't work out with having him... As you could probably tell. But them 13 years ago my parents met and had my brother and I. But then got divorced 4 years ago. I don't even know Chris, but it still hurts a lot to know that my brother... Is dead... How can I recover from this... And when I've said that I want a big brother in the past my dad probably thought of Chris and felt so sad... Not I don't know what to do and how to recover from this... Please help me ;(

Comments for Christopher Hayes...

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Aug 12, 2014
Christopher Hayes......
by: Doreen UK

Natalie if it is possible try and see a grief counsellor for guidance and support. You can also try using a school counsellor for your first point of contact. You need to explore your feelings and emotions which may be stuck right now in disbelief of hearing of this sudden news of having a brother.
You also need to approach your parents and talk to them and let them know how you feel about this news of having a brother. You can ask them why they didn't tell you. Everyone needs to know their full history. Your brother was part of your history so you can approach your parents letting them know that you need to know your full history and as much as they can tell you about your brother. It is the secrecy and the NOT KNOWING that is troubling you. You may feel excluded from your family though this is not the case. Your parents were trying to protect you because of your age and lack of maturity to understand and hold the information. Parents have to be wise in what they share with their children as it can confuse them. It was probably not mentioned for these reasons.
Don't let negative thoughts go through your mind. Keep thinking positively and build up your self-esteem this way and by loving yourself. You are probably feeling a bit insecure at the moment and need re-assurance about your family history. If your brother had any illnesses that you need to know about this information should not be denied to you, also because of the genetic inheritance to family diseases that can be passed on. You can also approach your parents on these grounds of knowing. Usually when you go to the hospital for an appointment you are asked questions about your family history and diseases so this is not an unreasonable question to ask. Don't be afraid. As you get older and mature your thinking will also change. But for now just enjoy your childhood growing years.

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