Christopher my Son momma loves you

by Brenda mckinney
(starke,fla usa)

I am not sure were to start the pain is so bad i cant look at picture wow it is still like a dream and i think about that day on Wed i was planning are Easter Trip to come see you and my grandchildren.We were talking about you going to school after the Army Life since you were Hurt falling down there stairs.Well on Thur I called you all day to talk to you about checking into school and talking about it being your dad birthday which died 3 months before at 55yrs.About Let you know your sister had started back to school after your dads death,and OMG we got the call about 7:30 about you Heidi said your were not breathing and was being took to the Hospital hours went by before we could get anyone to the phone by then all of the family was there We were on are why from Jax,fla to naples,fla and everybody thinking you would be ok,we got the FINAl call that you were no longer with us,boy did are life change for ever.What a great gift your dad got on his 55th birthday.(WHY)i so mad becasue he got you back and he was not in your life why,why,why.Has everybody was told and your brother came in from Germany plans were made to say are goodbye,and we found out Heidi your wife was a couple months pregant after losing a baby in Dec.You never will get to see him His name is Christopher Wayne after his dad was a great son,brother,grandson,newphew.How are life has changed i am so sad everyday trying to remember every little part of your life,all the things i done wrong,all the things I did not say.were we live and what school you went to,when you got married,had you child,36yrs was not long enough for me.I miss you so much,your sister after losing you and your dad in 90 days and her best friend in a few months later she is not well at all.Your grandmother has tryed to kill her self 7 times shse is 75,your brother still mourn for you,and so doed your 3 sons.The whole week of your death the sister and 2 aunts and your grandmother was on pills so bad they dont remember nothing and they call me so i can give them details about the whole thing and I dont.I have still been sober for 24yrs and 6months and 3days,and i cant stand you not being here with me.Everybody would of took your place.I am mad the ME said there should have been no reason for you to be on His Table I dont understand and i guess I never will i try my best to keep going but it is Hard.I love you son and miss you,I never though I would have to put my child in the ground that alot of people say it will get better,and they are crazy. Are you ae better off.If you have not walked in my shoes dont say nothing.Even now there are fighting going on at your gravesite and they are saying you were taken from me becasue I was a Bad mom,I wish you were here so you can tell them to Leave me alone,Did i drink yes I was not a Bad Mom.You were a (Savior)to my mom when my son died in 1973 and you were bron in 1974 So i guess me being 16 I let you stay with my mom alot and now I understand why.I understand what my mom went though,I have donot talk about how I feel becasue it Hurts more.April 22,1974 to March 26,2009 I have your truck it is hard to drive but when I want to feel you I will drive it.