If you have been reading along here for a while you know that cleaning out and disposing of Barry's clothes was the most difficult thing for me to do. It's been 16 months since Barry died and I have been sleeping every night a mere foot from the closet and resolutely ignoring it. A couple of weeks ago my grief support leader said "It's time to do this and I am coming over to help!" This was wonderful since I desperately needed help to get started and I never would have asked. She appeared as promised and I have to say that her gentle guidance and emotional detachment from the clothes gave me the ability to finally do this chore.
In the end I threw out a lot of stuff, especially the shirts and things that just screamed Barry to me when I looked at them. I don't want to be going through Wal-mart and see some stranger in his shirt. The generic Florida stuff I gave to Goodwill since every man here wears shorts and Hawaiian shirts.
I feel better now. I faced this job and did it. It kinda showed me that I can face whatever comes along and I feel a little more like the strong competent woman I know I am. I'm feeling more positive. Sometimes I still get a sad moment, or an angry one. The other day I saw an older couple walking into Target holding hands and I wanted to get out of my car and slap them for being happy. That used to be us! But then rationality returned, I took a deep breath and went on. One day at a time.