cold hands warm heart
As the weather cools I feel the absence more, Its not just because I lost my Love in Dec. Its feeling the cold feet and hands and the obvious emptiness in the bed once shared though the good and bad, ups and downs called living.
I thought since its 5 years coming that it wouldn't hurt that bad again as darkness falls and the chilliness reminds me of how alone I feel.
For the most part...I am good. I have carved out a life for myself and have adjusted to this new normal that is so hard to grasp. From the beginning of grief I began to do things I hadn't the time for, well that we didn't have the time for; he worked a lot. Concerts, local travel, going anywhere the breeze and opportunity I could afford.
I have aged 15 years since your death My Love, You would not even know me unless you looked into the eyes you said were the key to the soul. They are still green but now have permanent dark circles and a sadness I can not erase. Even in my joy that I strive to find and embrace, the eyes do not lie.
I Still Love and Miss You...
Probably always will. Though I am not religious in a traditional sense, I pray for peace on difficult days. I ask that I have the patience to raise my special needs son and do not bark at him; becoming increasingly impatient as the weather cools and I miss you once again.
It still hurts, and as much as I have grown the strength that I have gained since you left struggles to keep me sane. Not crazy I know, just crazy with grief.
Miss You Love You