College Freshmen Without Best Friend
by Kaitlyn M.
(New Jersey )
My Mom and I in August 2012, right before I left for school.
It has been almost four months since my mother passed away. She was my everything, my best friend, role model, hero, inspiration, and now my guardian angel. I am a freshmen in college. All my mom wanted was to see me go to my senior prom, graduate, and be there on move-in day at school. And she was at all three events.
My mom had a long battle with breast cancer. She was a fighter. She always brought light and laughter to all those she encountered. She was truly amazing. She and my dad divorced when I was 9 (now 18) and they were best friends after that. He took her to all her chemotherapy appointments, radiations, surgeries.
It is so hard not being able to call her or text her. Thanksgiving and Christmas were heart wrenching. I am so blessed to have shared 18 years with her, though I wish it could have been many many more.
Her mother (my grandmother) is still living, and is taking it just as hard as I am. I am an only child, my mom was an only child as well. Everyone always offers to talk, but they just do not understand the pain endured everyday. Not being able to hear her voice is absolutely awful.
I was with her, holding her hand when God took her. I will never forget that day. She was always so proud of me, always bragging about her princess! I was home for 3 weeks while she was in ICU, and she was finally getting better, and then things went terribly wrong. She had a brain hemorrhage. The funeral and wake were beautiful, she looked amazing. She was finally free, I just had to remember that. Free of all the pain and suffering. Her funeral and burial were Friday, and I returned to school Sunday evening. I finished the semester and made the Dean's List, despite all of the obstacles.
I always feel her here with me, talking to me. It makes me smile, but then instantly upset because I know she won't be here to create new memories with me. It's nice to vent to strangers who can relate- no one truly understands the pain and heartache.