by Steffy
(Phoenix, Arizona)

One month that Cody has been gone, One long month that I havent seen him.

Im going crazy laying in bed with out. I miss him so much.
I never pictured life taking him away so early.

Cody and I had so many plans. We are expecting our first child, He will be born in a few weeks and Cody will not be able to hold him,

Why is life so cruel, Cody wanted to be a daddy he wanted to be there for his son, The day we found out it was a boy cody had the biggest smile on his face, and now he is gone.

Cody was shot and killed, 3 shots and one was fatal, he was only 21 years old and had a whole life ahead of him.

i JUST WANT HIM BACK, I can not take this pain anymore,
I feel like God does not hear me crying out, yelling for answers, why did this happen? Why wasnt God watching out for Cody?

How do I go on with out Cody when we planned our life together. I am only 20 years old but I have lost my husband, my true love, my soulmate. We were together all through high school and got marries April 2011 we bought our first home Jan 2011 and now we were going to be parents.
WE had everything and more.

Now my house is up for sale, and I feel so alone,
Cody baby I miss you come back, please come back
I love you and I am sorry I couldnt save you that night Im sorry I wasnt there to hold you as you passed, Im sorry your son will never meet you but I promise he will know how great of a man you were and how much he wanted to meet you

Comments for COME BACK

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Feb 21, 2012
I emailed you
by: Nicole Anastasio

I emailed you. I hope we can talk. Sometimes I feel like I can get through it, and most of the time I feel like I can't...I miss Tim immensly, just like you miss Cody. We need them...

Feb 20, 2012
Come Back
by: Zoe

You know, I fell in love with John when I was 17 years old. Our last Christmas together he gave me this shoe with a notepad in it. I thought it was cute.. but he kept giving me that look, like Im supposed to be getting something more, so I flipped it over, and it said soulmate. And we were, and we still had our lives ahead of us, even all these years later.
You have join a very unique group of women. We are Widows. Not one of us chose this, and any of us would give anything to have them back. I lost John to cancer 11 days after his diagnosis in 2010 and still now, in the dark in the night, I beg for him to come back. That bed in which you lay alone, marks both your loss, and eventually a place of safety, a place where you two were together, and no one in the world knows him in that room the way you do, vulnerable, kind, strong. Those are the things you hold onto.
Grief, is so unrelenting, so unforgiving. And what makes it worse is, those around you will start to move back to their lives. I was soo angry when I saw that, but, in the end you have to let them go, you have a new path a new rhythm.
I know it is hard to believe but there is a certain numbness that comes right after death. That numbness is starting to wear off. Things are going to feel more out of control and more raw. All I can tell you is that it is part of grief, you will ride these waves you will scream and curse the universe, and then you will start to come out of the other side.
The reason I mentioned how young John and I were, is that people have an unfortunate habit of trying to tell Widow's how to heal, how much time what should happen. You are young, and unfortunately, I think you will hear that you are young and you have plenty of time. No one can tell you how to grieve. No one. Some of us write, some of us paint some change themselves completely, some live with their beloved until the time they are reunited. Your age does not diminish or define your love or your grief. This is a path, that while we are here with you, you have to find your way to walk.
We never know why, not on this earth. Our beloved are with us, you will see signs, they will come when you can stand to see them. But for you, when this beautiful baby is born and you see the turn of Cody's smile or if they have the same ears, you will know he is with you. You will have what you and Cody made, and you will make a life for you and the baby. And he will know his father.
It will be two years for me in March. Does the pain go away. It, changes, your mind starts to work and allows you to function through the pain.
This site saved me. You can come here anytime, as many times as you need to. You can say the things here you cannot say to anyone else. Know that we are here, we listen and we understand.
And when it is too much to bear always return to the basics.

One Breath, One Step, One Day at a Time

Feb 20, 2012
Come Back
by: Janet

H Steffy. The road you are now traveling is not an easy one, but rest assured it will get better. We cannot Bring back our lost love but we can move on and create a memorial for them.
I lost my soulmate. husband and friend of over 25 years on November 1, 2011.. Unfortunately I could not save him as there is no cure for bronco aspiration (commonly called Central Cyanosis). He was with me one minute and within 30 minutes he was gone. We were out of the country and nothing prepares you for that.
I am thankful that he went peacefully and that he enjoyed his life in Belize. All he talked about was getting his residency. That more important to him than anything else. I am thankful for all the friends we made in Corozal, Belize Central Aamerica and would not trade them for the world. They have been my God send and they are wonderful.
I truthfully would like to say that this journey but nothing is safe on this road we travel called Grief. Rest assured we will get through it one way or another. I am here for you should you just want to talk. I believe t is what keeps us together is friends that we don't know that are here to share your grief and to offer support.
Please feel free to check out "Grief - MY own Journey" and "Remembered Joy". I am here for you and no you are not alone.
May God Bless you and hold you in the Palm of His Hand. God Bless. One step, one breath and one day a at a time.

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