Comfort Zones and Grief

by Janet
(Dallas, TX)

I was on FB just a while ago at another site for widows and widowers. People keep wanting everyone to go the the .org site and not post on FB. We all have comfort zones even when we are grieving the loss of our spouse that we do not want to move away from. Those comfort zones are what keeps me safe right now. I am sure that there will come a day when I am ready to move out of some of them but it is not now.
I am just now getting to the point where I do not cry when I look at his picture and can say Good morning to him when I walk into the living room and look at the box that holds his ashes.
We all move at our own pace and some us move slower or faster than others. Let us move at the pace we feel most comfortable with. Understand if we are posting to a site on FB it is because that is where we feel comfortable and also safe and is our safetynet at this point in time. People do not judge us if we had a bad day or the loneliness is unbearable some days. They accept us for who we are and for what we are going through. Cyber HUGS beat not getting any kind of a HUG at all. FaceBook friends sometimes are better than not having any at all. I think I will take my FaceBook friends over most of my so called friends here in the States because they are dealing with the same thing that I am dealing with and they show care and compassion even if it is on the internet.
One breath, one step and one day at a time.

Comments for Comfort Zones and Grief

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Mar 10, 2012
Thank You
by: Janet

Thank you Ruth.
I appreciate your kind words in more ways than one. I am sorry for the loss of your son as I know that must have been a very difficult and trying time for you.
I come here often because this was the first site that I found. Here I can express my thoughts, fears and pain and not be judged. It is not a club that we ever think about being a member of. Until we become a member of this club we never fully understand grief.
HUGS to you Ruth.

Mar 10, 2012
Well said..
by: Ruth M

Thank you so much for sharing that very balanced opinion about how different people grieve differently. Not sure why anyone would have a problem with where someone else chooses to get their comfort. God knows there is no shortage of people who are grieving and unfortunatley that club grows in membership by the second. Many would choose the .org and many will choose FB and some will not go to anything on the Internet.

Hope they dont spend too much time on that subject of where people should post.

I can tell you this, my 26 year old son died unexpectedly one June morning and my boyfriend of 8 years had just been admitted to the hospital the evening before just diagnosed with colon cancer. My family does not live close by. FB was the only contact I had where I was known and loved by many friends and family. They truly held me up that day ALL DAY LONG. It really does depend on the individual.

God bless you may you continue to heal from your most terrible loss of your husband.

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