Today is my wedding anniversary, the second one without Barry. It would have been eleven years.
Today is a beautiful day, not unlike our wedding day. Spring is here, everything in FL is in bloom, little sailboats with brightly hued sails are all over the river, the local chocolate factory is making chocolate graduation caps and space shuttles, signifying the most important events occurring here. We still have a breeze before the doggy days of summer begin. It's paradise here except Barry is gone.
This year is better. Last year I was hunched over with misery and loss. Today is better. I really am beginning to think of Barry as in my past, and think of him with warm memories instead of grief. I still miss him but not so much. I still want him especially when I feel unwell or something has upset me. But I have accepted that he is gone, and I must figure out how to live this life without him. I talked to him a while this morning, explaining how I am feeling and how life is going, and what I am hoping to do. I wish I could get some sense of him being close but I never have had that and maybe I never will. But when things get really sad/bad I can remember that once I was dearly loved and cherished, once I was the center of a good man's life and once I had a marriage based on mutual love and respect. And that is a precious gift.
My darling, I love and miss you. Happy anniversary.