Coming around

by Judy
(Rockledge FL)

Today is my wedding anniversary, the second one without Barry. It would have been eleven years.

Today is a beautiful day, not unlike our wedding day. Spring is here, everything in FL is in bloom, little sailboats with brightly hued sails are all over the river, the local chocolate factory is making chocolate graduation caps and space shuttles, signifying the most important events occurring here. We still have a breeze before the doggy days of summer begin. It's paradise here except Barry is gone.

This year is better. Last year I was hunched over with misery and loss. Today is better. I really am beginning to think of Barry as in my past, and think of him with warm memories instead of grief. I still miss him but not so much. I still want him especially when I feel unwell or something has upset me. But I have accepted that he is gone, and I must figure out how to live this life without him. I talked to him a while this morning, explaining how I am feeling and how life is going, and what I am hoping to do. I wish I could get some sense of him being close but I never have had that and maybe I never will. But when things get really sad/bad I can remember that once I was dearly loved and cherished, once I was the center of a good man's life and once I had a marriage based on mutual love and respect. And that is a precious gift.

My darling, I love and miss you. Happy anniversary.

JM

Comments for Coming around

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May 17, 2011
Happy Anniversary
by: TrishJ

Judy~
Happy Anniversary. I've yet to deal with the first anniversary alone. Joe died the day before our daughter's 30th birthday so that day will be forever marred. We skipped her birthday last year since I was in the fetal position for 48 hours. Christmas was a blur.
Thank you for sharing your progress. It is so helpful for me to read about those who are managing to plug along.
I'm already starting to think about what we can do to celebrate my daughter's birthday to make up for last year. We still have to find happiness in this life.
Mary Mack is so right about the signs. It's little things that we have to learn to look for and appreciate. I too haven't felt Joe's presence much. Maybe my mind isn't open to that yet. I miss him so much. I hope when the day comes that I can fully deal with his death he will make his presence known to me.
Hoping for continued progress for you ~ God bless.

May 16, 2011
Coming Around
by: M Mack

Judy,

You're definitely on the right track for getting better. This is the 9th month of grief for me and I am beginning to see that I have no choices here but to continue along my journey without him. Yes, there are some very terrible days, but after a good cry, I feel refreshed until the next wave of sadness hits. The waves are not as close as they were before giving my eyes a chance to unswell and see the truth that he his now gone. I can't help but to hear his voice on my phone message, a time gone by before he passed. I feel him whenever I replay the words only now I don't cry through it.

I too have been reading channelingerik and really believe they are here along side us when we need them. You mentioned that you talked to Barry but never get a sign. Do you know what to expect from a sign? Well, think about what you see around you. A special bird in your window, messages in a song, how about getting the feeling your feet are being tickled? Ever have things like that happen? Don't feel alone Judy because we are all here with you in the club. Each one of us is going down the same path in our own way. I've been very busy, by choice so as to not dwell in the past. Yet, I always find a moment to reminisce about Ray and I. The anniversaries are the worst but we will get through them together. Sending prayers and hope your way.

May 15, 2011
Yes you are...
by:

Judy I am in the 2nds of anniversarys too. In March I "celebrated my sons 13th Birthday. On his 12th I was bitter and found no reason to celebrate anything. The 2nd year is easier but the missing never really goes away. I know what you mean about being sick and them not being there. I had a minor test/procedure done on Friday and it brought memories of times when I was unwell and he watched the kids and took care of me. Well mainly he kept me in the bedroom to make sure no one else got it. And that in itself was funny because I was the caretaker for the most part but who always got the flu? Him, hence his precaustion and over abundance of lysol (gag)

But things are getting better for us. The memories still sting but do not burn into our souls making us helpless. We are getting better day by day and the memories begin to bring a smile instead of pain. I am thankful for that. I know we still have a long way to travel on the road of grief but we are getting there step by step day by day mostly by the help of each other.

Without the wonderful people here I could not have survived grief as well, Thanks for you help you have come along way baby to get where you got to today.(remember that commercial?) Hugs from VA to FL :)HH

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