Completely Heartbroken

by Jewels

My name is Jewel and I have been divorced for 9 years and have never allowed myself to love since then until I met the love of my life two years ago. It was instant attraction and I completely fell in love! I wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant due to some health problems, but by complete surprise we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy 16 months ago. I have two other children ages 13 and 10 and he has a 13 year old son as well.

We had become a family, the family I always wanted. As soon as I became pregnant he became verbally abusive, and it has been a roller coaster ever since. The past six months things had started getting tough because he lost his job and I was supporting all of us while trying to go back to college to get my nursing degree. He became more verbally abusive and had a terrible temper. My daughters came to hate him and never wanted to be here anymore. They were wanting to go to their dad’s to get away.

He says I was hard to get along with, but I had taken him in, financially supported all of us, continued to go to college, took care of all the kids while he laid on the couch all day and yelled at everyone in the house including the baby. I had gotten to the point where I was afraid to interact with my own baby because he would yell at me that I was doing everything wrong.

I gave up all of my friends for him. I would get yelled at if my phone would ring so I ended up being isolated from everyone in my life except for him and his friends. I was so wrapped up in trying to make him happy, which seemed impossible, that I couldn’t give any of my attention to my kids or to myself anymore. He tore my self esteem down so far that I felt worthless without him. My mood would depend on his mood. I became very co-dependent on him. The two years we were together he had a way of tearing my down but saying just the right thing to keep me hanging on to the man I fell in love with. He is extremely charismatic and charming and able to make me put up with the temper and abuse.

About a month ago I kicked him out because he went to a friends house and decided to not come home until the next morning. When he got home he was so drunk he couldn’t stand up. I finally had to put a stop to the way we were living. My problem is that I know he is not healthy for me or my children, but I am still so deeply in love with the man I know he can be that I am just heartbroken.

I cry myself to sleep every night because I miss him so much. I seem to focus only on the good times we had. I feel like I go through the stages of grief but I always end up back in denial. It is so hard when I have to see him because of the baby. I was trying to find a new picture of our son to post on FB last night and the one I chose had his hands in the background and I lost it!! I miss his hands, his smile, his laugh and his touch.

The most frustrating part of my heartache is that he has been asking other women out, talking very bad about me to our friends, but the other night he showed up over here at midnight and threatened to break the door down because he heard a man’s voice in my house (which was the t.v.) I had been asleep since 9 that night. I have no desire to be with anyone else. I don’t understand why he would freak out thinking I would move on when he hasn’t had a problem moving on.

Well, that is my story. I just want to be able to move on but I have no idea how to make my heart stop hurting. I would love any advise I can get.

Comments for Completely Heartbroken

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Jun 02, 2011
Deliver us from evil
by: Sherry

He is a narcissist. That's why it is so hard to get away from him. They are emotionally and physically abusive. They make you feel that you are to blame, they never take the blame for anything. You are in love with an illusion, someone that you conjured up in your own mind. A beautiful picture of what you think he is. He isn't. He is a danger to your very soul! Pain and suffering is what he offers you. A few scraps of love here and there, enough to keep you hooked. pray for God to deliver you from this evil, and see things as they really are. If it don't feel right, it isn't!!!!

Go to the site called Baggage Reclaim. Go Now!!


Jun 01, 2010
Stay strong
by: Anonymous

I read your story and there are so many similarities between your situation and mine.

Emotional abuse, but they can also be so wonderful and you want them to be the person you feel in love with and sometimes you see glimpses of that.

I'm so sorry. You did the right thing by kicking him out for you and your children. I know it's so hard. He is your love, but he's not being that person to you and you can't live your live being subjected to that, no matter the good times.

I'm in the same cycle as you..grief and yet it never ends. The pain doesn't seem to stop, but it has to. God would not allow us to feel this way forever. You are made the right decision....have trust in that. You deserve love all the time, not just sometimes.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I really do care because I'm dealing with similar problems. You are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers.

May 29, 2010
To a beautiful, brave woman
by: Anonymous

Jewels, you are a wonderful and valuable woman. You made a strong decision to remove this man from your home and that took a lot of courage. You are loving the man that you see in your mind, not the man that truly is. If he comments negatively to other women about you,that says a lot more about him than it does about you.

He took away your friends and support group, your self esteem and your relationship with your children. He has behaved in angry and abusive ways. If you were reading this about a stranger, what sort of man would you see him to be? And what would you advise his partner to do?

He doesn't deserve your love and care - he doesn't deserve you. Look for support in your community and re-find your friends. You are a truly strong woman - you showed that when you kicked him out. That strength will help you to overcome this when you are grieving less, but do allow yourself to grieve - and then get angry! And turn that anger to good. You deserve a great life!

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