Consumed by pain

by Steffy
(Phoenix, Arizona)



I am broken,
I am alone, I am afraid.

Please someone tell me how to get over this pain.

My husband was killed January of this year,
my whole world has changed, nothing is like it use to be, all i have are memories that i feel like could fade any minute.

Im scared of forgetting cody, my beautiful amazing husband.
Im scared of the day my son asks me how his daddy died.

Cody was killed when I was 7 months pregnant.
He was shot 3 times. Died with in minutes.
its painful and horrible, A living nightmare.

I need help, I feel so lost i feel so broken

I have horrible thoughts, pain pills? drownding? death?
But then i think again, I have a beautiful baby boy looks just like his daddy, he needs me, but i hurt so bad.

why did this happen. This hurts. Hurts so bad

I wake up sometimes already in tears.
I hate starting my day... almost 5 months with out my husband, CANT TAKE THIS.

What do I do, How do I go on.
Cody was only 21 years old, SO MUCH LIFE LEFT.
I am a single mother, and a widow at 20 years old. I DONT UNDERSTAND LIFE.

So confused.
So Angry, I want revenge on the person who took his life, How does he sleep at night???
I hope he feel guilty, Has nightmares, wakes up in s much pain like I do.

I miss you baby, your son and I need you .
I love you
I miss you
I want you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

Comments for Consumed by pain

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Oct 15, 2014
thoughts of love to you
by: Anonymous

I'm so very sorry for your loss I lost both my daughters so I no your pain 28 years have past if I'm true full people say it gets easier with time it hasn't for me each day with out them becomes harder my life is consumed with pain I hope and pray you can find love and piece from my heart to you i never have and this didn't only affect my life I had 4 son's who lost there mum please don't let this happen to you talk to people see your doctor for advice there is help out there take it with open harms your husband will always be by your side in spirit I wish you and your son all the love and happiness you deserve xxx

Jun 07, 2012
I Am Very Sorry You Are Hurting
by: Anonymous

Dear Steffy,

I am very, very sorry to hear of your loss. I want you to know that even thouogh I don't know you, I am thinking of you.

I recently lost my mother and I am now a member of the Adult Orphan Club - both of my parents are gone.

I am also in the throws of anxiety. It is an terrible condition. Anxiety consumes you. It makes you feel like there is no tomorrow. It makes you feel the pain is going to last forever.

So I know where you are. You are not alone. You have anohter person who is thinking of you, who knows what your going through and who wants the best for you.

I know the storm in which you are in. I too don't know what will trigger the next burst of tears or what will trigger the feeling of going out of your mind.

I don't know when the storm will end for either of us but we have to endure as best we can.

And I know we both will. Somehow, both of us will find a way to make it though and begin to live whatever our new lives will be. Yes, our lives were changed forever. We will find a way to accept it and move on. I know we will.

You have a wonderful gift, your son. He will help you in a way you do not yet know. I too, have a son, who will help me.

Please accept my sincerest condolences. I am very sorry for your pain. I wish you all the best and someday, I know we will both see sunny days again.


Jun 07, 2012
Give Yourself time
by: Judith in California

Steffy, I hate that you are in so much pain and I want you to promise me you will get to Therapy as quickly as possible. It's for your childs and your peace of mind. I hear your frustration and anger and outcry for justice. God will take care of that Steffy. Maybe not in the way or time you would like but in His time and His way. Let him handle it. Even if you could you would not want to do that becasue your son needs you to be safe for him to care and love him.

Just take it one breath, one minute, one day at a time. Be strong Steffy.

I wish I could take away your pain. I am still grieiving my husbands passing after 21 months and I will tell you your pain will lessen as you learn to let go and find peace and acceptance that God has him and he is saddened that you are suffering. Don't give that killer your strentgh.

Don't be afraid for God is with you and your Son.

Jun 07, 2012
Dear consumed by pain & baby
by: Pam

I'm so sorry for your loss & the excruciating pain you are feeling. I don't know how you feel because I still have my husband but I can relate to the pain & the way our worlds have changed forever. We lost our 26 yr old son in May 2012 & I understand about waking up already crying. You didn't mention anything about a support system, such as family, minister, good friends etc. Do you have that support? I can only relate to you what is helping us face each day. Prayer, reading the Bible, staying busy & holding on to the fact that we will see our son again in Heaven. It's ok to cry, it's ok to question God, He is aware of your pain & I am saying a prayer for you & your child to have comfort, peace & love shown to you that only He can give. I am promising you that I will say a prayer for you everyday. Love to you & your baby, Pam

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