Could there be more?

by Jo

Within a 13 month time span ending in May 2012 I have delt with more loss than I can handle. This is how it all went for me.

My beloved dog of 16 years had a stroke while I was at work and I had to have put him down. Two months to the day later I lost my angle (rescue) dog to cancer. Nearly two months to the day after that my father passed away from heart failure. I was laid off from my job in November and found I was pregnant after years of trying. Found an new job all was looking a little better and I lost my baby at 4 months (finding out it was a little boy) as well as my boyfriend of 7 years the same day. April, 6 days before the year mark of my fathers death my mother died unexpectedly. While planning her funeral my last beloved baby boy of 16 years got very sick finding out he had cancer. Two weeks after my mothers service I had to put my baby boy down.

I am just now starting to feel the pain of all this loss and I have no idea how to process it all. I feel if I grieve one I am not being fair to another. I will never get past the shocking and sudden death of my mother because I was the last person she spoke with the evening she passed away.

I am lost, sick, angry, depressed I get panic attacks and feel a knot in my stomach every minute of the day that I am awake.

This is not normal, losing everything in your life that you hold dear to you in 13 months. How does this happen?

Comments for Could there be more?

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Sep 29, 2012
Could there be more?
by: Doreen U.K.

Jo I am so sorry for the many losses from pets to people that you have lost from your life.
You are in a very fragile place right now. I feel you should go and see a grief counsellor to help you cope with all these losses. It would be nigh impossible for you to deal with this all on your own. As you said you don't know who to grieve for. You feel you will be letting someone down. You are letting yourself down by not letting someone care for you now in these tragic circumstances. This is an abnormal loss and not many could still be standing to tell the story. You have every right to be lost, angry, sick, depressed. Your panic attacks will get less after talking with a counsellor. You URGENTLY need this type of care and support. Don't just put up with things and think they will get better in time. They won't. I was forced to go into counselling and after some years I got my life back. I know it works. It is painfull. You will feel like giving up. I was skeptical at first. But when it started to work I went back and finished my grief work. We often don't realise all the losses we incurr in life and they just pile up and when death occurrs they just get larger and insurmountable. You will move forward better in life once you have made the committment to do the grief work needed. My heart hurts for you. Reach out to GOD. Even if you are angry with HIM. God is all we have. HE IS OUR HOPE. God is our Source. He is our CREATOR. He creates all the people we lose in our life. The cycle of Life and Death will go on and on. But it will end when Jesus comes back for us. Live with this HOPE.

Sep 28, 2012
could there be more
by: silver

I can't know how you feel considering the pets and the children but I do know how you feel about your parents. My father died in Dec 2009 after a 13 yr fight with multiple myeloma-a blood cancer that attacks the bones and eventually the organs. My mother had been his wife for 64 yrs and she gave up.She died 7 months later from a blood clot to the heart from sitting and grieving.During the 18 months from my father's death I sent on my best friend of 28 yrs in May 2010 and my husband of 33 yrs in May of 2011. One of my children grieved so hard that he tried suicide the month after his father died.I screamed at him that I didn't need another death.Luckily,he didn't die.I don't know how we survive, we just do. As many have said here,grieving is different for everyone.Different ways and different lengths of time.I pray each night for all of us.GOD is my strength and I pray that HE send you the strength you need.

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