Count your blessings now.

by Rebecca
(Pennsylvania, United States)

My daddy passed away on February 5th, 2012. It was so unexpected, a couple months before he suffered a stroke with swelling to his brain, my dad has multiple health problems, from having open heart surgery, was burned in a fire, he had emphysema, he was the best man I've ever met. When I was 9, him and my mother were going through a tough divorce, I'm the youngest of 5 children, and my dad got custody of us all and we moved into an apartment, not long after my mother committed suicide, but was brought back and is now in a nursing home, brain dead. My dad was a single father to 5 children, he went back to school, and he always made sure we had everything we needed. I miss him so much, and here I am, almost seven months later and I'm still numb, I can't feel anything but the pain I feel, I just want him back, I just want to wake up and have someone tell me it was all a dream, but it's not that easy. The night it happened, I wanted to run away, so far away, and I still do. He visited me in my dreams for so long and suddenly stopped. I cherish every moment we ever had together. My life is so messed up without him, but I have to continue moving forward. That's what he'd want, right? I believe I'll always cry over it and I'll never get over it. He was only 56 and all I really had left, I miss his jokes, his laugh, his smile, his encouraging words and his stories of his past. My dad suffered so much, and I just hope I'm not selfish for being angry that he died, I just want him to reassure me that everything will be okay, my whole life is upside down, and I have to rebuild it, I just wish I could see his face one last time, and give him a hug and kiss, and hear his voice....

Comments for Count your blessings now.

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Aug 25, 2012
Count your blessing now.
by: Doreen U.K.

Rebecca I am sorry for your loss of you daddy. I am also sorry for the loss of your mum who perhaps was so unhappy at losing her children she thought life was not worth living. But your daddy seems to have done an amazing job with all his children. Bring them up despite the difficulties of a man doing this since he has to hold down a job in order to look after the needs of his family. Rebecca you are going through raw grief. this is how painfull it is. It will take a lot of time each day to get over your loss of your daddy. It is not selfish to want your father to live and always be around for his family. This is normal. It is human nature to want life to go on as normal and continue to be available for each other as families do. When we lose a loved one it feels as if it is all a dream. I still wake up and think my husband is still alive. WE need each other. My HOPE IS in this life we all die because of SIN. But in the life to come there will be no more death. But my heart aches for my husband who died 3 months ago. Today is Saturday the day he died. I don't like Saturday's now. Even if you run away you still have to live with grief and loss. It is only time that will heal our loss and grief. don't look too far ahead about moving forward. It is like trying to run before you can walk. Grief has stages. Move with each stage. e.g. crying and searching for our loved one. Being numb. Crying all the time. Being ANGRY. find loving supportive family members and friends who will surround you. The hardest part for us is having to rebuild our life. Not having the encouragement of a loving father is very hard and you will have to encourage yourself each day to do what you have to do and even the things you don't want to do. Because it is necessary. Take one day at a time and don't try to move forward too fast. We are here for a purpose. find your purpose in life and fullfill your dreams.

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