Dad. (10 years on)


My Dad died when i was six from depression in december 2000 - it's surprising how it can affect someone so young for so long. His death was completely out of the blue, in the morning he was there but by the time i got home from school he was gone.

It's been 10 or 11 years but i still have moments when i feel pangs of sadness. The hardest part for me was the realization that time will pass - i felt that he would get further and further away from me until he was barely significant at all.

There really is no time-limit to grief and it's ridiculous when people say you'll be FINE in two or three years. I still miss him so much and even through it feels like i can barely remember him, he still holds some significance in my life.

It took a LONG time to get used to the idea that i would have to grow up without a father. I used to get annoyed when i saw children yelling at their fathers, they had no idea how lucky they were. Luckily it doesn't affect me so much today.

Apart from anniversaries like birthdays or christmas', the times when his disappearance really hits me is when friends joke about their dads or at parent's evenings. Every time i wonder why there is an extra chair at the table... then i remember and the feeling of ever having a father feels so alien to me - which is painful.

Im ok now, but i still miss him. Everyone deals with grief differently. The fact that his death was so sudden and so shocking has meant that it has stayed with me for a long time.

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