Dad and the Dog

by Rebecca
(North Carolina)

My dad passed away July 31, 2010 at 4:30 am. The hospital called to tell my mom and I and to say it coming as a shock is an understatement. We had been told that he would be able to come home the next day. He wouldn't let us stay at the hospital with him at night, saying we should go home and rest and be ready to entertain him the following day, as he had already been in the hospital for almost two weeks.

My mom wanted to start making phone calls right away but I told her no, I didn't want a bunch of people standing around watching me as I said good bye to my father. I had to say goodbye to my father! I realized that I would never hear his voice again or see his smiling face or watch him play with his dogs or get a phone call saying "haven't heard from you in a day or two and just wanted to check in".

The day we were to bury him, we had to bury his big dog, who had been with him for 15 years, who when he found her as a pup said "we'll keep her, she won't get very big" and she ended up being over 200 pounds. She was an old girl with her own health problems but she always had that spark of light in her eyes. She changed the day he died, the light disappeared and she was so sad. She wouldn't eat, "smile", or wag her tail at us. She passed peacefully in her sleep and went to be with Dad.

The grief is hitting me hard because not only did I lose my father, but I lost my grandmother two years ago and lost my uncle 3 months before my dad passed.

I think my dad knew. The last time I spoke with him, I said "I love you, I'll see you in the morning" and he said "I love you too and I'll see you after while." There was something in his voice and the way he looked at me. He was so calm and serene.

I miss him. I can't help my mom in her grief because I'm not grieving the loss of a husband, I'm grieving the loss of my daddy. He wasn't perfect, he made mistakes but he loved me and I love him deeply and I miss him everyday.