Dad died at 67 on 2 march and mum is only 53 . How can I help her n myself ?

by Dawn
(Hong kong)

My dad died on 2 march coz of sudden serious stroke . Basically , no pain for him. All kids n my mum were with him in his last 2 hours, yet, he might be unconscious.
In the morning before he died, he still enjoyed the favorite things in life: coffee , books , walked the dog n hugged my mum.
At the bottom of my heart , I know it might be the best way for him. But, it happened in a sudden n mu
And I really dun know how to deal w it .
The funeral is done last Thursday n seems we should get back to normal. Yet , whenever I think of he will never be able to meet his future grandson n mum lost her soul mate in her rest of life, I can't breathe.......

Comments for Dad died at 67 on 2 march and mum is only 53 . How can I help her n myself ?

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Oct 25, 2012
Im in the same situation
by: Steve

Last friday my dad was diagnosed with CJD and we have been told that he has months, maybe just weeks to live. We are all so very shocked and so so distraught. My dad is extremely ill with this horrible cruel disease. He now doesn't know who we are and we know it isn't long till the time comes. I am absolutely terrified for my mum. My mum and dads relationship is the closest thing in the world and they had their whole lives ahead of them (both my mum and dad ages 58). My mum is so scared and doesn't know how she will be able to live her life at all. They were soul mates and were in the perfect marriage- so happy. Has anyone got any advice as to what to say to my mum? I'm so scared for her, she's crying so much and doesn't know which way to turn. Please help me too

Jun 11, 2012
How can I help Mum now Dad has died
by: Doreen England U.K.

Hi Dawn
Sorry for the loss of your father. Death hurts so much and none of us is prepared for this. When it happens you feel as if your world has exploded. This is what has happened to your Mum.
None of us knows how to go on in life. Most of us don't want to go on anymore as part of us is missing. It hurts so much to do anything. This is a pain like nothing I can explain. Your grief will be different from your mum's but nevertheless still as painfull and you won't know how to go on. You may not be able to support each other the way you want as you are all grieving and you need some people apart from yourselves to be sensitive and careing to each of you in your different needs.
Go on one day at a time. Don't borrow from tomorrow each days pain is programmed as part of the grief. You don't know when it will come or where you will be but it is important to cry and cry and cry if you feel like it. Just be close to your mum and you don't have to speak or say anything to her. Just being with her will say it all and cover a multitude of words. I Love you Mum. Lean on me. I hope that you can all move forward in good ways that allow you all to be happier in time.

Mar 29, 2011
No back to normal
by: Dawn

T,
You guys note really means something to me n my mum. You are right. I can't imagine her pain as she lost her life companion n life will never be back to the old times. Death is the most difficult lesson in our life. In one side , we understand that no one can escape death , but on the other side , nobody can understand how difficult it is for my family. Mum and dad was very very poor when they were young. But, no matter how poor we were , we were all together. Life is getting better when we graduates. Dad was v happy in the past 8 years as he didn't need to worry us or money. He was v simple. Walked the dogs; coffee; books; dinner w us already fulfill all his needs. We felt especially upset coz it's too short for him and my mum. I know we have to lean on each other . Thanks for the blog too. For Chinese, we don't talk about grief. Even my grandmum and my anutie didn't come visit us coz they believed they shouldn't go to our home in the first month after dad died!!!!!!!! I will translate the blog here n share w my mum . It's important to let her know we are not alone and grief is must for us .

Mar 29, 2011
Lean on each other
by:

Trish said it all, there is nothing that I can add to it except take one day at a time and realize that you mom will go through many emotions and try to roll with it. When she is angry and impatient just leave her be but come back to support her always. I know that in the beginning I fussed at my son frustrated with grief unsure how to go on much less raise a child alone. Love her unconditionally, she needs you as you need her. Be gentle with each other and let grief have is way. My best to you in this rough journey...
HH

Mar 28, 2011
No Back to Normal
by: TrishJ

Dawn~
I'm so sorry for your loss. As much as it pains you please know that it hurts your mum twice as much. She has lost her life's partner and the person she chose to spend her life with. When you said, "Things should be back to normal," please know that the old normal you knew is gone forever with your dad. It's taken me 4 months (since my husband died) to realize 1) he's never coming back 2) my life as I knew it is gone 3) my future is what I choose to of make it.
I always thought I was a very strong person until I lost Joe. I'm so lonely and frightened some days I wish I hadn't awoken at all. This is something I'm having to learn to live with.
Your mum's going to need you to be strong for her. You need to lean on some good friends for your own strength so you can be there for her. Crying and showing your emotions is a much needed part of grieving. Take little baby steps at first and take things one day at a time. The thought of spending the rest of my life without my husband often brought my breathing to a halt. I've had to learn to get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other and make it through TODAY the best way I can. I don't push myself too much. It takes some people up to two years to get over a death. Be there for your mum to gently nudge her along but don't push. She'll go at her own pace. Try to brighten her day a little....flowers....a phone call.....lunch out.
God's blessings to you. Peace and Love in your day.

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