Dad, has it really been 8 months?

Dad died 8 months ago, suddenly and without warning, from a heart attack. He was only 63, fit and healthy (so we thought) and only 3 years into his retirement - thank God he retired early so at least had that time to enjoy with mum and the grandchildren. I was listening to my children playing the flute the other day, wondering why I hadn't got them to play to Dad before he died as he'd have loved to hear them...then realized they only started learning last September - Dad had already been dead a month then. Could that be true, is it really that long? Has he really missed so much of our lives already? And then it hit me how much more he'll miss - his grandchildren growing up - my brother getting married - seeing the house my husband and I are building... I sometimes dream of him, I know he's dead, and I'm desperate to try and find some clues in the dream - I want to ask him, was he feeling unwell, did he have a feeling something was wrong? Did we miss something, were there clues that the heart attack was coming? And I want to ask him, how do we deal with this? Why didn't I ever really talk to him about how he coped after he lost his own parents? I don't want to stay stuck in that day, the day he died, I want to live in the moment, I want to be present for my children and savor every minute of them - but sometimes I feel like I'm letting it all slip by, I'm still stuck in that day, the day Dad died and everything changed. And I feel if I try to move on, then it's separating me from Dad and if I move on I'm leaving him behind. I do feel him with me still but sometimes that's just not enough, I really want to hear his voice or feel his hand in mine. I don't feel ready to live without him, I don't feel like a grown up yet even though I'm 36 with a family of my own! So I just take one day at a time. But it's a real strange world without Dad there...

Comments for Dad, has it really been 8 months?

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Feb 01, 2012
the same...
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for your loss and as someone else commented, your story is like mine. Strange to read Dad passed away suddenly at 63 on Dec 30/11 from a massive heart attack. No warning... we had just seen him over Xmas holidays and had such wonderful times. He was totally fine. I'm now constantly thinking how this could happen? I wait for him to come home... my Mom waits. And he hasn't come back. He won't. But it's too much to imagine going on without him here. My poor Mom. I too am 36 with 2 kids who don't understand where Grandad is. I don't understand it very well myself. I just wish he were here, that this is a horrible nightmare that we'll wake up from.
My sympathy to you and your family... felt I had to write as it was so similar. Does the shock wear off? I'm waiting for it to but I still feel so unsettled and completely rattled.

Jul 27, 2011
by: Linda

I know exactly how you feel. Everything you wrote is everything I am feeling. It's almost been a year since I lost my Dad and best friend. I feel like I am stuck in this process, I don't want to move forward with my life without my Dad. And at the same time, I have my own child to raise and feel like I am doing a terrible job. I just don't know what way to turn. I'm glad I'm not alone and it is of some comfort to know other people feel the same way I do.

Jun 30, 2011
by: Anonymous

When I clicked to read your post, it felt like I had written it. It has been 7 months since my dad passed from a sudden heart attack, as well. Like your dad, we had no warning as dad was healthy. Everything you wrote, questions, dreams, etc. is exactly what I'm feeling and going through, too. I am so sorry for your loss.

Apr 28, 2011
by: Anonymous

Reading about your feelings makes me feel that i am not alone. I just lost my mom 2 weeks ago and I dont know what to do with myself. I know what you mean about going on, you don't want to go on without your loved one and it HURTS! I just take day by day some harder than others. Take care.

Apr 27, 2011
by: Kathrine

Sorry for your loss. I don't know what it is like to loss a dad, but I have lost my mom about a month ago. Again, I'm very sorry, and hopefully you are doing a lot better now!

Apr 27, 2011
Sorry For Your Loss
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know what it is like to lose a dad, but a month ago...I lost my mom in death. So I kinda know what you are going through. Hopefully you are doing much better. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May God be with you and your family.

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