Dad, I know your here , but hidden , Longing to see you, to hear your voice

by Peter Myles
(Lethbridge , Alberta.Canada)

I was out and away at a get away with friends when I found out something was wrong, that Sunday morning was perfect in weather n such , a friend told me to phone back home something was wrong , I phoned home , I phoned my grandparents who lived two blocks away for
My parent's .... I couldn't get ahold of anyone. I called my neighbor who had said the police were trying to locate me, I tried to call the hospital in the town where I grew up the town my parents just lived minutes away from, at that moment fear set in.... Something was very very wrong, I got ahold of the police in the town I grew up in and was told to phone the police in the city I am currently living In that they had a message for me, I called them and was told by one officer that " your dad is gravely I'll and I am to go to the hospital in the town I grew up in ASAP ,
My heart sank my mind was as if in a bad dream, I raced home as fast as ever trying to call the hospital number given to me by an operator, the phone I called to the number only rang continuously, with no answer, while driving fast but as safe as I could tried over n over, with no success, frustrated , extremely upset I tried the operator again and finally got another phone number to the er at the hospital, the nurse went and got my mom, and the moment she got on the phone and told me that dad just passed away ...... I lost my world my life as I knew it... I pulled over to the side of the road and yelled ...... My dad who had been fighting ALS and other complications...... Was gone ..... I missed my time to be there ..... Why this way why? I don't know but I tried to get to his side as quickly as possible.... The rest of the way home was long , lonely, unimaginably unreal , my worst night mare.... I got there and walked in to the hospital, but couldn't weep, couldn't believe , untill I saw for my self , my whole family was there as dad left in his sleep, I held his hand as I'd I we're a long lost child, waiting for him to say " im fine " ...... It didnt happen ..... Everyone went home one by one , mom left to let me be alone with dad, she waited outside ........ I looked at a man whom I grew up with sleeping in peace, the man who was my larger than life fortress, my buddy, my everything ... I talk to him and remembered as I walked in half an hour earlier a child was born.... My life as I viewd my dad was gone .... After talking to him I gave him a huge hug and as I hugged him he breathed as I squeezed him and I jumped back excited hoping he was not gone...... He was gone forever and nothing I could do would ever bring him back, after a while and after the funeral to which I did his ullage , it didn't seem real , every night since then seems like a dream so bad of which I cannot escape from, I searched for him every day , every where , hoping he would just be some where, August 21/2011 seems like yesterday the day he left, each day it just unreal , like an alternate reality ,
When does it end when do I get my dad back , where is he I ask my self this everyday as I feel that some where around some corner he is there waiting for me to run into him and that everything would be ok, at times quite often when I sleep I visit him in the outdoors which we both loved ....... Dad if I could just see you one more time to talk to you and give you my biggest hug ever , to ask you to not go away I would do anything to keep you but in perfect health , I need you my dad ! I don't know how to live in a world with out you , what am I suppose to do with out you here..... As your boy, your son I beg for you to come back ...... I hope that where ever you are your ok, I love you dad more than you will ever know !!!

Comments for Dad, I know your here , but hidden , Longing to see you, to hear your voice

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 19, 2013
Healing Every Day.... Missing You
by: Crystal


I stumbled upon this page trying to find you. It's been along time, and I miss you and of course you know I worry about you. I'm sitting here in tears, to know you went through so much pain, and felt so lost, and that no one could help you. I know that each day things get a little easier, but you never truly forget. You are such a strong person, and a wonderful man. Everyone has their ups and downs, but I know in my heart your dad had to be proud of you. Peter I need to know you are OK. I've been thinking of you a lot lately. I hope you have found someone to love and make you happy. Please if you ever read this, call me. I miss you.

Aug 22, 2012
MOM gone DAD gone LIFE couldn't get any WORSE
by: Anonymous

I no how you feel I just recently lost my dad on February 19th 2012 I was only 18. I lost my mom when I was like 5. I am now 19 with out a mom or dad. I just feel so lonely I don't no wat too do.

Aug 17, 2012
Dad, I know you're here, but hidden, longing to see you, to hear your voice
by: Doreen U.K.

Peter I am sorry for your loss of your father. It is just the worst experience ever to lose a very significant person from your life. You wonder when will the sorrow and grief ever end. When you are ready and your grief is done. then it will get better. You will have the scars but without the pain. When we are enjoying life with our loved ones we wish it would go on forever and those good times would last and not end. I used to ponder on this and with Hope prayed that the good times wouldn't end. But they do. We will go on to lose significant people from our lives. We get to hurt more than is bearable at times with each loss that it feels we are grieving forever. We get breaks in between for some recovery. You will feel worse because your father passed away before you had a chance to talk to him. It is like UNFINISHED BUSINESS. You seem to have had a very loving and stable relationship with your father that will sustain you through life but will be more painfull as a result of the depth of your LOVE. 9 years ago I lost my mother and I had a 1hr journey in England's crowed roads which took forever to get to the hospital where my mother was. She had already passed away. Out of all my sister's I was the only one that did not get the chance to see her. Now I have lost my husband of 44yrs. marriage 3 months ago my grief is so unbearable. This loss is the worst one so far. If I lose any of my 3 children my grief will be greater. Life will lose its meaning for some time for all of us. If you feel that you can't cope with your grief. Go and see a Grief counsellor who will support you through your grief till you are able to feel more comfortable. I have had some very bad days and I may have to take my own advice and go see a grief counsellor.

Aug 17, 2012
I know how you feel...
by: Anonymous

I had gone to church with a friend of mine on a Sunday morning. We walked around town afterwards instead of going home right away. Normally, I would have called my dad and told him I would be late, but I decided not to. Later, when driving home my sister called me panicking, saying my dad wouldn't wake up. I called 911 and rushed home. By the time I got there it was too late. He was gone. He had died suddenly of a heart attack. My dad was in excellent shape, I never expected it. I didn't see my dad that day, they wouldn't let me. The next time I saw him was at the viewing. I looked at him in the coffin and I didn't recognize him. I held his hand but it wasn't the hand I knew. It was cold, I knew that wasn't my dad's hamd, but at the same time, I knew it was. My dad had always been very strong. He was a pilot in the Army. I would go to his empty house and expect to see him watching the history channel, or reading a book like he loved to. I keep having dreams were I speak to him and try to find him. I have dreams of going to our old home before my parents divorced. My mom and my sister are there with me. I am always looking through the house to find something, but I can never seem to find it. After several times having this dream I've realized it is my dad I am looking for. My dad died in March of 2011, and not a single day goes by that I don't think of him. I don't know if it will get better, somehow I can't see it getting better. I was a different person before he died. I used to look on the bright side all the time, but I can't anymore. I'm 19, I was 18 when he died. I just thought I'd let you know that I understand what you are going through. People that haven't lost anyone close won't. It's impossible to try and explain this to my friends. None of them really knows what it feels like to not only lose a parent, but also a little piece of themselves.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!