Dad lost in an accident

by Karen Sayers
(Palominas, AZ, USA)

I lost my father on April 25th of this year. He was in a car accident and did not survive. The accident was his fault, although we still don't have an accident report to know all the details. Thankfully, nobody else was injured.

I am sitting here today, crying. I thought the crying would be over by now! It has been almost 3 months and my husband and children keep asking me, "What's wrong?" I want to scream at them! Don't they know? My husband wants to know what we can do to get me out of this "funk".

I have been very fortunate in my life. I have not lost anyone close to me until this. I was really not prepared. I felt prepared to graduate college, get married, have a job, have children.... Even though those things were hard, I had seen people do those things and felt I knew what to do, too. I wasn't ready for this.

I have felt so alone even though I have a sister and a brother who are here for me and going through this too. I want to talk about it constantly because it is on my mind all the time, yet I can tell friends, and even some of my family, are ready for me to move on. I can almost see the eye-roll through the phone when I bring it up in conversations.

I have my sister and my mom (parents have been divorced for over 20 years) and they are a tremendous help. I am thankful for them. I am thankful that I came across this website. I enjoyed reading through some of it and realizing that many of my feelings are "normal" and that I am progressing.

Comments for Dad lost in an accident

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Jun 17, 2010
Thank you
by: Karen

Thank you so much for the quick and helpful responses! I'm sure you know how much they mean.

Jun 17, 2010
Give yourself time...
by: Hope

Its only been 3 months, hopefully reading the stories here explains that there is no specific time line. You will get a tad better day by day then a memory will sneak up on you at inopportune times. My last mini breakdown was while buying 2 tires. There was a bad accident up the road and all those sirens made me think, Why didn't I hear the sirens when "it happened"? My mind went back to that day which I thought I had long resolved or accepted.

Crying in front of the man while ordering tires, I accept it as part of the grieving process and expect good days and bad. My father died while I was taking care of my husband, I hadn't the time to grieve and now I grieve both. Don't let anyone tell you your timeline for grieving HH

Jun 16, 2010
I Understand
by: Sharon From Las Vegas

Dear Karen,

It has been 3 years yesterday since my dear Dad's death. It does get easier, you even will get to the point that you can remember something about him and it will bring you a smile and in some cases you will actually have a chuckle!!

But by no means does that mean that the day where all you feel like doing is crying... this IS a tremendous loss and until someone has 'also' lost a parent, will there be full understanding of your grief.

I had a very bad day yesterday on his anniversary of 3 years, but today the sun DID come out and I feel blessed to have had such a special and wonderful Dad. Was he perfect - no! Was he without fault and major personality flaws - absolutely not! But one thing that he was and will always be ... the only Dad that I had and the same for you - your loss is a 'great' one and only you can determine how long you 'need' to grieve.

Be patient with your family, I am sure they are not being insensitive - I am sure that they love you so much that to see you in so much pain they want to make it better for you and don't know how so they're doing the only thing that they feel they can. God bless and good luck to you that you find your place of peace in the midst of your grief.

CHEERS & Much Love!!!

Sharon

Jun 16, 2010
Loss of a Parent
by: Down Under

Karen, condolences on the loss of your father. Losing a parent is such a horrible pain which is not understood until you have gone through it. I lost my father Aug 09, and believe me it was, and still is, a roller coaster. I then got married in Oct 09, with no father to walk me down the isle....still feels like a dream.

People will expect you to get over it and get back to normal quickly, but hey you've just lost YOUR FATHER, someone who has been there from day one, this will not be fixed and normal for a while, things will change and so will you. Things will get easier with time, you will accept what has happened and even begin to laugh again when you think of dad, but it is too early and you are in the grieving stage and no one knows how long it will take to get through it.

All I can say is talk about it when ever you need to, even if others don't want to hear it, scream, throw things, cry what ever it is that you need to do (within limits of course) do it, maybe even speak to your doc, local support groups etc.

This website has been a blessing to me, I think this is what got me through it in the end, and knowing that I am the only person who can pick myself back up and keep moving forward for my family's sake and my own, and hey I'm sure our dads are out there somewhere watching down on their little girls!! Warm wishes and keep those happy memories alive in your heart and soul. xo

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