Dad we miss you

It was a sudden death. He was a healthy 78 year old. He thought he had flu. He ended up going to the hospital unresponsive (dehydrated) He was alert and talking in the ER. The doctor operated on his stomach and found a twisted bowel and he was ok. In Icu on the 3rd day he had a stroke. They did not know until 72 hours later. He was in icu for two weeks. Hoping he would respond more. He did hear us. They needed to take the respirator out and he breathed on his own for 6 days. He had a strong heart. The doctors said to my mom he would never say I love you again. They suggested no trach or feeding tube. They felt he would never get any better. When they removed the respirator and he survived the first day my mom and I were hopeful again. He was not getting his blood pressure medicine and he was not getting any food or water. He had only one kidney (born that way) so the other went into shock after being dehydrated. So we were told. So he has not having dialysis. I just can't stop thinking I failed him. My mom is depressed and is trying to keep busy with things to be done in the house. Telling us certain things need to be done. Bulkhead doors to be painted, all the paper work (pension healthcare life Insurance...) ALL that is done now. The chores my dad would do all summer. My sisters and I live in different states. Now today she wants someone one to wash the windows because dad did them all the time. She knows that my sister has done them several times since my dad died. I am not sure but is this part of her grieving or is she showing signs of dementia.

Comments for Dad we miss you

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Aug 04, 2011
Your Mom
by: Judith in California

I am so sorry for your family's loss of a Husband and Father. Even though he appeared so healthy, he was sick.

Your Mom is grieving in her own way and she will for a long ,long time. When you lose a husband it's different than any other loss. She has shared her life, thoughts, hopes and dreams with him for a long time and now she is trying to keep her self busy doing the things that need to be done. I can still hear my husband saying "don't forget to have the brakes checked, and the oil changed " because he cared if I was safe. She is not suffering from dementia.
I too handled all the loose ends after my husband passed less than a year ago.

Your mom is handling it her way. Please be there for her and help her in any way you can and show her how t wash the windows to her liking if you can't be there or if you can afford it hire someone to do it for her. There are window washing business out there.

Take Care and God bless all of you.

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