by Jennifer
(Long Beach, Ca USA)

I lost my father when I was 16 years old to Leukemia. He was 46. It has been 7 years already, but I still grieve deeply over his death. Our relationship was not the best because we would argue a lot. When he was in the hospital I did not know what to say or do because there was so much tension between us. I realized now I have built a large guilt over not fixing our relationship before he died. I hold this weight and I hope to let it go. It was not my fault or his. I want to lose the hope of trying to save our relationship because it can never be done, but somehow I still fight. Death is a tragedy and I hope to one day accept the realities of life. Thank you for listening. I suffer, you suffer, we suffer together.

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Oct 29, 2012
Thank you
by: Jennifer

Thank you for your comments and I am sorry for your losses. I see that everyone loses people and I am not alone. I am currently seeing a psychologist so I can hopefully be free from the pain. I know my father would not want me to be ruminating over our distant relationship, but instead living my life happily with the family I do have. I hope I will be able to love my loved ones the way I want, but first I need to face his death and my loss. I hope to have the strength and courage to overcome such sorrows. Seeing that others have become stronger, gives me hope. Thanks so much.

Oct 29, 2012
by: Doreen U.K.

Jennifer I am sorry for your loss of your Dad 7yrs. ago to Leukemia. You are not an isolated case of a daughter who was estranged somewhat from her father. It is usually at time of death that a host of unusual feelings strip us down from the guilt of a relationship that you wish could have been better. Many people go through this. You alone are not responsible for your strained relationship with your father. Your father has the larger responsibility.
You would seriously benefit from seeing a counsellor. This way you would be supported to grieve your losses and this loss would include the loss of relationship with your father. It will be painful. But worth the hard work. I DID THIS when I was also bringing up 2 children and being married and running a home. More difficult to do this with other responsibilities in tow. But not impossible. I have not looked back. I AM GLAD I DID THIS. I am not the same person. I am a more integrated person and I was happier than I had ever been in my life. It is almost like a MIRACLE. You will be healed from the inside in areas you would not think possible. You will emerge a stronger, healthier, and happier person. You will be healed in ways that will help you in the future should you experience other losses in your life. You learn skills and coping strategies that will help you throughout life. Just find the right counsellor. Keep trying till you find the right one. you won't regret this.

Oct 28, 2012
I understand....
by: Anonymous

Honey I recently lost my son, 38, we had our tensions too, he drank himself to death, He passed away in surgery, he bleed to death from the alcoholism. I still can not believe he is gone, I have his ashes, here & his pictures every where, his favorite ole coat & hat still hang on my chair, I have a chest stuff, i often go through it, they still small like him, I have a large lock of his beautiful auburn curly hair, My life will never be the same I loved him so & worried about our fights over the drugs & alcohol, but we loved each other he was always here helping me watching a movie or helping me cook, he was my best friend, I look at the things he bought me the cards her wrote & note from flowers he bought me & feel as though I can not go on with out him, I know how you feel, you & your Dad may have had some differences but you loved each other, you are a part of him, do not worry he has forgiven all & understands & loves you, accept this you will see him in Heaven & think how wonderful, all happiness, love & peace, I will pray for you & you pleaSE PRAY FOR ME, lOVE & HUGS pHYLLIS

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