"Daddy" Sang Bass

by Kelly M.

I lost my dad through suicide, he hung himself. I was heading out to a party, when my dad scared me, like he always did, but when I heard the sound of his voice, I knew there was something wrong. There was sadness I never heard before, so right away I asked him “What’s wrong dad, are you okay?” but he replied “Everything’s wrong”. I started to get a little worried when I heard that, then I asked him if he wanted me to stay home, but he said “No go have a good time, go have fun with your friends, have a good time” I didn’t know what to do, he told me to leave, so I did, but I pulled out my phone right when I turned my back to call my sister, to tell her to keep an eye on dad, I told her that something didn’t feel right, but she told me “ Just let him have his pitty party” So I brushed it off a little. It was 11 P.M and I was on my way to the party with my friends, that’s when I got a call from my mom to come home right then. I told my friends to turn around and I was telling them it was about my dad, but I was getting angry because I just thought he was having a depressed episode. But as soon as we got close to my house, I saw the red and blue lights and I started crying. My friend didn’t even stop the car before I jumped out and ran over to my mom screaming “ Where’s dad, where is he?” then my mom told me he killed himself, I fell to my knees screaming and crying. I wanted to run away, but I remembered I wanted to see him. I found out that my sister was the one who found him and she had to cut him down. She is a LVN, but not really working right now. She did everything she could for him, rolled him on his side to make sure his airway wasn’t being blocked, but it was too late. She crawled to her room, called 911, then called my mom. My dad was a catholic man who didn’t believe in suicide, I know this, because I’ve tried killing myself in the past, and every time I said I was going to do, he would look me in the eye and tell me “never think like that, Kelly, that is never the answer” . He hung himself in the same place I tried to hang myself, and it failed. The title is called “Daddy” Sang Bass because that was mine and his song, We were going to dance to it at my wedding, and the “ ” are around Daddy is because he put quotes around every word pretty much. He was the 9th child in a big family of 12 children, He had two daughters, one son, and one “step” son. Him and my mom where divorced for 24 years, but they still lived together. I miss and love my dad, he was a hard worker, a loving father, and a great man, even though he you get on everyone nerves a lot of the time. But that was who he was. I lost my father to suicide, if you know anyone who is suffering from depression, who seems to me withdrawn from the world in a way that’s bad, or if your suffering yourself, please don’t be afraid to ask for help, there is nothing wrong with asking for help when you feel like nothing is going your way, no matter what, everything will get better. I love you dad and it will grow everyday <3 R.I.P Ken Mack 1963-2012 age 49

Comments for "Daddy" Sang Bass

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 20, 2013
"Daddy" Sand Bass
by: Doreen U.K.

Kelly you say you tried to kill yourself many times but failed. God wants you to live. I had the same experience. Depression and misery is all I knew. God in my life and a good therapist gave me back my life. Depression is the pits. Often people in depression see the world differently, so also does people who take alcohol. It can cloud their judgement and alter their personality. But I do understand why people turn to alcohol as their way of coping with life or either blocking it out. Life is tough many people can't cope with the way life is changing and how difficult it is for survival, so alcohol blocks out the pain for a while. But it is still the choice many people use. Often only one person in the family going into counselling or therapy can be the strength that the family needs. You may be able to see your sister in a different way. Each child in a family has different experiences with their parents and so the way the child sees a parent may be different to the way another child sees a parent. Your sister may be frustrated and unhappy and shows this in perhaps an ambivalent way. Keep up your therapy no matter how painful this may be at times. You will come through your depression and be in a happier place. It may take years as I suffered with depression for over 40yrs. and If I can come through this so can you and others. Take care of yourself and each other. Best wishes. Doreen

Jan 20, 2013
Thank you for your comment
by: Kelly

Thank you so much for your comment, I'm sorry about what happen to your nephew, that is such a sad thing to imagine. The very next day, I spent the day in my house alone, and I was so sad, I called my therapist and told her what happened, a few days later I went and talk to her, but I haven't talked to her since. My sister is 26 years old and she is taking it really hard, she had to be hospitalized twice, and we had the police come a few times. She is also an alcoholic, just like our dad, and he was drunk when he took his life. The alcohol is making her depression worse, and I'm so worried about her when shes drunk, but she keeps blaming my dads death on my mom, which is not fair at all she didn't cause his death, but I feel like I can't remember my dad because my sister is putting him on a pedestal, I don't want to be mean about my sister, but she is the type of person who ignores you when your alive, but when you pass, you were the world to her. I am rambling on, I know, but I could never talk like this before. I suffer from depression, I have for six years, and I have tried to kill myself, many times, but it would either fail or I would end up chickening out. But I now I see the affect it has on the loved ones after, I never want to think like that again.

Jan 19, 2013
"Daddy" Sand Bass
by: Doreen U.K.

Kelly I am sorry for your loss of your Dad to suicide. You never really get over a death like this so be sure to see a counsellor if you feel the need to. My sister's son was 30yrs. old and he suffered depression. But his medication also had side effects of suicidal feelings and he threw himself in front of an express train. It was the most horrific time for our family. My sister could not function and had to have a grief counsellor come to the house to support her.
I am glad you wrote that message at the end of your post for help for people with depression. To not be ashamed of depression that you just suffer it. I did this and in my 40's I went for help when I couldn't go on and tried to end my life. Going into counselling was the best investment I made. I got my life back in a way I had never experienced before. I was FREE for the first time. A different kind of release and happiness. So I do echo what you say to other to get help. There is no shame in this. Mental illness used to be stigmatised in the old days. Depression is a most debilitating disease and holds us back from living how we should. Kelly I hope you also get the support you need so that you never have to feel that ending life the way your father did is the only option. But don't judge your father for the route he took out of his misery. I know from experience and also from working in Mental Health for 8 years what this depression does to peoples lives and the whole misery. I hope that you receive support from family and friends to help you through your grief and to never feel so low that suicide is the only way out.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Dads.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!