DADDY!!!

by Laura
(Burton MI)

So my Daddy committed suicide and when I found this out, it was like no way, I just talked to him the other day and he was just fine. But now I know that it's true he's gone and there is nothing I can do about it. I am so angry at him and at myself! Well that's how I feel right now because I don't understand why he would do this to me and the family. Will update you on more later.

Comments for DADDY!!!

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Mar 04, 2009
Our dads
by: laura

Dear Sheila,

You are so welcome and it is true, the things I said about you are true.

After my dad died I started to lose my faith and I started to fail school and all my grades came down. I did not know what was going to happen to us or the house or anything else. Right now I am able to find out who my true friends are, cause they are the ones that are there for me all the time, whether it's for me to vent or cry or whatever I need to do.

I am going to try not to do what you did with school, I promise. I do read scripture and well, I would sit here at my house at night and just bawl my eyes out and talk to Him about it. Well I can't do that now because my mom and brother are here and I can't do that in front of them because we are not that close. Well, I love you so much even though I don't know you because you are always there for me, and you let me vent to you.

I know that He will never fail us because He is always there for me, but my faith has been so low I need prayer Sheila, because its so hard for me right now to get it back up, along with my trust for other people.

Talk to you soon..
Love you
Laura

Mar 01, 2009
Your kind words........
by: Sheila

Dear Laura: What a sweetheart to say such loving things about ME ??!! Very kind indeed !!

I understand your plight in school, completely. After my Dad died, I knew Mom didn't have the money for the funeral costs, so when a Bank Manager came into our typing/shorthand class one day, saying they were desperate for tellers, I jumped at the chance. Just to try and help out Mom, but now that I think about it, maybe I was being selfish too, as I didn't like school at all and perhaps I used that as an excuse to leave after only finishing Grade 10.

Don't do what I did Laura, please !?! Trying to finish afterwards is okay, in some ways, but all these years, I've been very ashamed of myself to admit it! Only God, Mom & my Gary knew!!

Try if you can, to read some scripture, even just a paragraph or even a couple of sentences each night. Proverbs is pretty cool! But, regardless, dump everything, every tear, worry, heartache, misery, dump it all on Christ. Have an evening Prayer like I do, where the house is silent, nearly dark, my kittys are sound asleep and I just can kneel down and sob my heart out to Him !
And I know, at the end of each day, He's anxiously waiting for me to start, I know He is! So it's just me & Him. No snoopy relatives or friends. It's just You and Him and no one else.

That period of time, means everything to me.... it's the only thing and He's the only one I can count on.
I pray this will work for you !!!

Last year I received a letter from a lady who had survived that horrible 9/11 plane crash into the building where she had worked for years. And she was telling me, that they were trying to escape down the staircase, even though they'd been 3/4 of the way up to the top floor. She said that it was so dusty in there, they could barely see ahead. But each time they turned onto the next set of stairs, she could see Christ's shadow at the bottom of the next landing, with His arms open wide. She kept that deep in her heart for years and years, when finally she could no longer, and began to share with others who'd been with her. Now she didn't know everyone, but as she started to relay her story, there were some other employees, who'd been in that horrific climb down the stairs with her, who were also Christians, and who'd also seen a shadow at the bottom, of the Lord. The non-believers apparently looked shocked/surprised, with the odd one saying they'd thought something was there, but couldn't be bothered to say anything.

But, oh Laura, He will never ever ever, fail us. Never............. no matter what!
Remember what I said the other day...in scriptures from Billy Graham: "Nothing and no one can snatch us from His Hands".
And He loves you shedding your sorrow directly on Him, because He loves you so much and understands like no one else could ever understand!

Talk to you soon.....
All my love,
Sheila

Mar 01, 2009
Our dads
by: laura

Hey,

I do believe that He has not taken you yet, because you were supposed to be here to tell that story and help me through this. Because one day at a time you are helping me through this by just being there for me to vent (or as I call it complain) to you.

Today I have had such a hard day I have had so much going through my mind and I really feel like crap today. I have been crying all day and really hate that cause I hate crying.

This week I have exams and am so stressed about this, because I have no clue how to do half the stuff, cause I was out of the class for a lot of it for counseling and everything else. I am just so frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed and feel like crap.

Well thanks for listening to me.

Feb 26, 2009
Our pain of loss !
by: Sheila Joyce Gibbs

Darlin Laura:
Don't worry, you're not alone !
Losing my Mom really blew me away..........
As she was so much like my Dad & my late hubby,
they never ever complained about anything !!
Nothing ! Not pain or heartache !

Then suddenly.............they're gone.
I think I've told you that my hubby (Gary) his dad had committed suicide, and while it was about 20 yrs ago, it still bothered him too !!
And I've sent you the scripture from Rev Billy Graham, so there's no reason at all why they're not safe in God's arms in Heaven ! Cause He understands !!

For a long time, I was very angry with Gary & my Mom, for not telling me exactly the seriousness of their pain/illness..........Very angry !!
But, we're still stuck down here on earth, for what ever reason/plan God has in mind !

You and I had fantastic Dads.......
We've both been blessed that way........
I had the best husband ever, like a carbon copy of my Parents attitude's & deep unfailing faith !

When I was told by our Doctor's that they didn't think I'd make 6 mos to a year.........I was kind of excited, to join them................!
But...................

apparently it wasn't to be, right now at least.
So, whatever God wants me to do, I will do.
One day at a time !
No matter what He asks of me........
As long as He gets His message through this thick skull of mine, I will follow His instructions !

It's going to take some time Laura........
I was a real basket case for 9 months after Gary passed.......... Literally...............

So, then one night, I prayed and prayed, asking God to forgive me having done nothing for Him my entire life.......and that I would do anything He asked........even though I was/am miserable, lonely, heartbroken ............. !!

He's my all in all.......
My only true source of divine love & grace......
Remember what He did for you and I.......!

Stay in touch sweetheart.........
Was thrilled to hear from you today........

God Bless..............
love Sheila

Feb 26, 2009
Love
by: Anonymous

Keep staying strong! I don't know how you do it! Its gotta be God! I'm praying for you ily.

Feb 23, 2009
our dads
by: laura

Dear Sheila,
Hey I am trying so hard to be strong, but when I realize I am doing something that me and him used to do together, it makes me so upset and angry. I am trying so hard to forgive him, but it's so hard right now cause I still can't believe what he did, you know what I mean?

And I try to forget about what I have done in the past about this, and it just won't go away. I try not to get close to anyone anymore because it seems like when I do they die or they move far away. It makes me feel so much like crap, you know what I mean? And I feel like my trust is just like completely gone, and that I am falling so far away from God right now because I don't know what else to do.

I am a strong christian girl most of the time, but when I found this out i was so devastated that my faith like completely went away and it's so hard to get it the way it was. Because its only been 4 months, you know what I mean? Well I guess I will stop complaining to you about my life. *sighs and starts to cry*
you're in my prayers too.

Laura

Feb 22, 2009
Dad's.........!
by: Sheila

Oh, so good to hear from you Laura ! And I rejoice that you're also saved by Grace !!

I do understand sometimes, when our faith gets a good bashing, so to speak, by something this painful! My faith slipped big time, when losing my Dad, as he'd been sick for 10 yrs !
Then my Mom passing, I just couldn't understand it !

And lastly my hubby 'Gary' !
My heart literally felt torn to bits, and so very much alone in this flipping world of ours !!
But, I've learned a great deal in these 22 months, there's not enough room here to relay all of it to you. But I've never had such a strong relationship like this, with Christ, ever in my life. I'd more or less, placed Him on the back burner, knowing He'd be there if I ever needed Him, and just devoted myself to my career, money, and 2 bad marriages that were not what He wanted.

But Jesus will never force any of us to love Him, obey Him, honour Him or fulfill His plans for our lives. It took quite a bit of self destruction on my part, before I literally threw myself at His feet, begging for Him to take complete control of my life !!

And now, I cannot praise or thank Him enough, as He is my ALL ! My everything !!

Someone sent me a letter last year, asking how I was sure there was eternal life in Heaven, and if not, then why serve Him ?

Oh Laura.........
All I could & can & will say is this..........
If He is with me always, forever, guiding, leading, caring, sheltering, listening, and loving me......It doesn't matter if there is no Heaven or eternal life, as I could not and will not ever want this life, without Him ! I'd rather serve Him now, then find out no Heaven, than NOT serve Him now, to find out there is !

You've got your entire beautiful life ahead of you !! Stay close to Him, let Him guide & lead you, in the direction that He's planned for your life !

If I could re-do anything in my past, that's what it would be...........! And if I had, well, my beautiful step-daughters would be mine, and my fantastic hubby, would still be alive and with me!

Your Dad is watching, probably feeling bad, for what he's put you through. Try and be strong, make him so very proud of you !!

I've often thought, when I get to join them all upstairs, after the hugs, tears, kisses, I would then have a good talking to them all, about how they could have left me ! And then, I realize, it's all been in God's plan, everything !
Remember Laura, this life is only temporary, what we do, we can only do once right now.......but, in Glory, there will be nothing but joy happiness and everylasting peace with our loved ones, at the feet of Jesus !!

Luv & my Prayers to you, darling Laura,
Sheila

Feb 22, 2009
our dads
by: laura

Hey i am sorry to hear about your loss but I know the feelings that you are feeling. Yes I do go to church I am a christian and well when I found this out, my faith totally fell. Like I had a hard time with my faith and believing and trusting people. I still do cause it's only been on March 6th, four months since he died. I miss him so much.
Well you can message me back if you want.
laura

Feb 20, 2009
Our Dad's !
by: Sheila Joyce Gibbs

Dear Laura:
I don't know if this will help you at all, as you haven't said anything about your faith, or if you are a Christian or not, but I'm going to share this anyways. (Forgive me if I'm out of line.)

My late beautiful husband, who passed away now 22 months ago, quite often I would find him, while so very ill, weeping about his father and closest brother, who had each also committed suicide !!

Now, it broke my heart to see him grieving like that, and we each had been raised in Christian homes, mine Pentecostal/Baptist and he, United Church, but many times we'd hear a bit of a sermon touching on the fact that, it wasn't our life to take, on suicide.

But somewhere in my past, I was sure I'd heard, a sermon, and told, that when you reached the Pearly Gates, you'd just have to ask God for forgiveness, and it would be done ! Well trying to find anything in the Bible about that was impossible, me being a sinner saved by Grace.

So, I decided to go to someone who I hold in extreme highest regard, and that's Pastor Billy Graham.
I wrote an e-mail letter to his staff, explaining this and why I was asking...........Well, it took about a week, but finally they replied, and I was so thrilled, as they had literally gone to Pastor Graham, and my original thoughts were in fact correct. Here's what he told me:

In John 10: 28-30
(Jesus's own words & written by John the Baptist)
"I give them eternal life, and they shall NEVER perish; NO one can SNATCH them out of My Hand !!
My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; No one can snatch them out of My Father's Hand ! I and the Father are one!"


And in Hebrews 4: 16
(Jesus's words again/written by the Apostle Paul)
"Let us then approach the throne of Grace with confidence, so that we may receive MERCY and find Grace, to help us in our time of need !"

So very likely your Dad is in Glory, waiting for your arrival! And remember, there are NO tears, sorrow or sadness or illness in Heaven. Their Souls and Spirits are reinstated with their youthful 21 yr old bodies, no scars, no pain, no worries never ever again !!

I know how you feel, as I'm very lonely too.....

I'm an only child, lost my Dad at 36 yrs ago, then my Mom 5 yrs ago, then my hubby 22 months ago, closest living relative who I adore, lives in Florida, so its just me & my 2 Tabby Cats...

So yes, I'm lonely for those precious three people ! Very lonely !!
But I know, they're safe and secure, free from all harm !!! Safe in Gods arms !!

You're not alone dear one..........
Not alone at all !

Please feel free to write me anytime you want to talk !
God Bless and you'll be in my prayer tonight !

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