Daddy's Girl is missing her DADDY

by Donna Maria
(Washington, DC)

Daddy's Girl in the City

Daddy's Girl in the City

I was raised by my father...(without my mother). The sun rose and set on him in my eyes. He kept me with him all the time... He was the band director at my school in elementary school, close by when in middle school, and he was the assistant principal of my high school. He kept changing to keep us close together (at least that's what I thought).

By the time I was a teenager preparing for college, I was sick of it. He asked me to go to a specific college (which meant he could have gotten a job there for me). I chose somewhere far off. Sometimes he would show up at my dorm to take me to dinner. But, I never returned home after 17... it was too much to me to live like a little girl again.

During my senior year of undergraduate school, he passed away from cancer. He was diagnosed and passed within 4 months.

I had no idea what to do. All the time I thought I was "grown" and suddenly I didn't feel ready. The blinders came off and the bad things he protected me from hit me head on, full force.

Despite these struggles, I finished undergraduate school and finished my master's degree....but I was empty. And lonely. So...I got married at 23 to a man I had dated for 5 months. And it was not a good choice. By the time I was 34, I finally left a horrible marriage, with 2 children in tow. It was struggle after struggle....

I felt like if my father had lived, none of this would have happened. I was angry....I AM ANGRY...I was lonely...I AM LONELY....

And despite having a wonderful situation financially, and good people around me....a home, a car, security, etc. At 37...I still miss my Daddy.

Comments for Daddy's Girl is missing her DADDY

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Nov 04, 2011
i miss you daddy
by: Anonymous

My daddy died when I was 39. I thought that was way to young. He was such a wonderful man, 6'3", broad shouldered, and a precious heart. He didn't write well and was slow to read ,but he was the wisest man I knew. Dropped out of school at 14 cause his three older brothers went to WW2. Thin he went to the army in Korea. He rose well through the ranks. In a year he came home and in 54 married my mom. they had 2 older children a boy 7 and a girl 8 yrs older than me. My mom suffered depression then alcoholism. I was sad we never had much of a relationship. but my daddy tried so hard to make up for it. he was in management in a plant then. did pretty well. he took me to ballgames and the fair every year. He even took me to my kindergarten parents night. I held 2 of his fingers feeling so pretty and looking way up to my daddy in his suit i thought he looked like a prince. i had bad school phobia but not that night.. cause he said all the time your my baby no one will hurt you long as im living. ive wrote too much brb

Aug 17, 2010
I know the feeling...
by: Taffi

I just lost my dad on 7/17/10. I too was raised by him without my mother. I was his only child, and he was an only child. We were very close, and without a doubt I'm a daddy's girl to the core. He had lung cancer. Was diagnosed in 1999, and battled it for 11 years until his passing. He became very ill in 2 months prior. But all the time between 1999 until then he was taking care of himself, working and battling the disease with any treatment available (very harsh treatments at that). My dad was so strong and indeed a fighter. I remember when I was a little girl I saw him as better than superman, literally. Then those last couple of months he had to live with me and I had to care for him. He couldn't eat, was too weak to care for himself and that's when it hit me that my daddy was dieing... I did everything I could to be strong for him and wouldn't him see me cry. I knew it would upset him if he saw me down. Yet, he kept fighting. He had a choice between Hospice care or try chemo again. He chose chemo, because in his words "he'd rather go out swinging." Those doctors felt the chemo wouldn't work for him anymore. The cancer had spread to the stomach, bone and brain by then. But they said it was his choice and he wanted to try. So, I told my dad I supported him in his choice. Although deep down I knew it probably would kill him before it worked, because he was too week and he had already lost like 40 pounds in a month, plus he couldn't even eat. However, I was praying for another miracle from God. He was at stage 4 when he was first diagnosed 11 years prior, which was a miracle we thought. So basically we hoped and prayed for another one... Well, it wasn't the cancer that got him, it was sepsis as a result from the chemo... And I get so angry when I think about that. You see, my dad had mets to the brain but he was still able to communicate, and make decisions, he was still himself until then end from what I could tell and I was with him around the clock. I just knew he made the right choice since although his passing was inevitable. I guess my anger comes from him going so fast... Now, I have this totally empty feeling that seems like it will never go away. I know it will take time, and I hear over and over that God heals all wounds and blah blah, but I wish God would just give my dad back to me.

Jun 08, 2010
the pain has eased
by: donna maria

That whole experience was healing. I've kept in touch with my father's best friend. I kept in touch with old friends from my childhood. I've looked around at all the blessing that I was left with. (not material things) Just a foundation. A good solid foundation that I'm standing on to raise my own children. Yes, I still miss my father. But I think he would be pleased at how things turned out for me.

May 17, 2010
My father's best friend.
by: Donna Maria

I went back to the hometown this past weekend and this time I called many friends ahead of time to set up a time to see everyone. One of the people I called was my father's best friend, his childhood neighbor. They were as close as brothers. I visited this friend and his wife and we talked for hours, laughing until I lost my voice and my sides hurt.

As I was finally leaving, he and his wife welcomed me to their home anytime and asked me to return very soon, even if for no reason at all. As he walked me out to the car, he put his arms around me telling me I was like a daughter to him. I think it was as healing for me as it was for him. The tears I'm shedding now is from not having anyone I think really wants to hear this...besides my father.

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