Daddy's Girl

by Mandy Robison
(Malcom, IA, USA)

6 weeks ago today we buried my dad. I am the youngest of 3 children of terrific parents. My dad was 68 when he died and I am 39. My dad had been struggling health-wise the past year or so. My brother is in the military and has been stationed everywhere both state-side and over-seas. My sister and her husband live an hour away. My husband and I live 10 minutes from my parents. Needless to say, I saw my parents the most. I knew what a struggle my mom was having with my dad and his health. We tried to get my parents to move into town as they live in a 1910 5 bedroom farmhouse with 1 bath upstairs. Dad couldn't do the steps anymore so we made plans for them to move around Labor Day this year. 5 days before my dad died, the 5 of us were together to discuss the timeline of getting my parents moved. My dad shared with the 3 of us kids that he was "going against his word" as he swore that he would never leave the farm until Smith Funeral Home carried him out feet first. Well the ironic thing is that dad got what he wanted and he didn't have to go back on his word. Dad died in the middle of the night. My mom found him on the floor on Thurs., May 17th @ 5:30AM. Smith Funeral Home took my dad out of his house @ 7:30 that morning (head first though)

I am struggling as things are starting to become difficult for my mom as she grieves. She currently is mad @ my dad for leaving her, for not telling her how sick he really was, and for not being here for her any more. I am struggling and am very sad as I miss my dad so much it tears me up. I'm trying to deal with my mom's emotions as well as mine. I know that I have to take care of myself but I also feel that since I'm the one who is 10 min away, I need to be there for my mom.

As a huge daddy's girl I am really struggling and missing him. I know that he is in heaven with a brand new body. He is not in any pain and he is happy. I have to continue to believe in Jesus Christ as that is the only way that I will ever get to see him again. I don't doubt Christ and his love. I just miss my dad so much.

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Aug 04, 2012
Lost my dad
by: Anonymous

hello, I just lost my dad on july 9 2012. My dad died from crytogentic cirrohsis of the liver. He was doing great until april of 2012 and had fluid taken out of his stomach and it was infected. Led to renal failure, but did recover from that. A week after that the kidney function became worse. The problem was my dad was always to good to be on the transplant list, but people who abuse their bodies(alcoholics), got a transplant before my father. So you could be in my position right now, being upset that the doctors chose an alcoholic to get a dual liver/kidney transplant over my dad that had no underlying diseases. I spoke with the doctor that makes the decisions today, and he informed me that he doesn't look at if they were alcoholics/drugs. If we did not give organs to these people that would free up enough organs for those people that did not abuse their bodies. It was their choice to drink/drugs. No one made them do that, and they need to live with consequences. I loved my dad so much, and I know what you are going through. Life is empty.

Jul 04, 2012
Daddy's Girl
by: Doreen U.K.

Hi Mandy
I am so sorry for the loss of your father. Grief is very difficult and hard work. I am 2 months into losing my husband from lung cancer. I was his caregiver for 3yrs.39days. It was such a slow painful death for us. Your mother will be in severe grief at the moment having lost her husband. I know I am in this place right now and it is so very hard. Every day is different. Life has lost ist's meaning. All the joy of life has gone. It is so hard going on without my husband. Every day is different. Today I got a vision of him standing in the bathroom shaving and I could almost see everything that was going on. How he looked. How he talked. A very different picture of the old Steve and not the sickly Steve dying of cancer. As the cancer memories are all I have at the moment. Your mother will be very angry. A lot of people feel angry against their spouse for leaving them as your mother is grieving this. My experience is not of anger against my husband Steve for leaving me. Steve did not want to die. He wanted to live. He had no CHOICE in this. My anger is against God. This is also normal. God is all we have. If we don't cling to our only source of comfort and Hope then we are of all people most miserable. We have to have HOPE this is what keeps us going on when we don't want to live anymore. Death is difficult at any time. But the type of relationship and type of death affects our grief. The pain is neverthesless most unbearable. I hate the lonliness. The emptiness. Going to bed alone. Waking up to each new day alone. the quietness of the house is unbearable. No one to talk to and tell our troubles to as one would do with a husband. Making all the decisions alone. Sorting out all the taxes and other things on the property. Paying out for house repairs. Being conned when trademen turn up to do the work. Women get conned. Men are better respected when dealing with men. These are some of the difficulties Mother's have to deal with when losing a husband.
Being a Widow you lose not only your status as a married person. You lose some of your identity. You now become a single person again. You also lose most of your benefits. The struggle starts. The reality of living on after a death is difficult but we don't have a choice. As long as we have breath we are obliged to live out our lives and make it count. I hope in the days ahead that you all as a family can come together and support each other in this difficult time and know that the days ahead will get better one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead. Grief would then swallow us up. Best wishes

Jul 04, 2012
Help for Mom will help you,
by: Marilyn

Mandy, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are in, for yourself and your mom. It can't be easy trying to take care of both of you, when you need someone to take care of you right now.
I know what your mom is going through. I lost my husband 2 years ago and it was devastating. It seemed like things couldn't get any worse and the house started falling apart, to remind me how much I needed my husband. I never imagined I'd be plumbing and fence repairing at 60 yrs old, to keep my little dog from running away. Then my little dog died too. I needed my husband's shoulders to cry on, but he was gone. I was angry, hurt, lonely, sad, lonely and wondering what's next. I didn't have to wait long, the next big wind blew the awning off the patio.
I needed to take the bull by the horns, but I was mourning. I had it removed until I rebuild it. My priorities had to be taking care of me. If the ships' captain goes down, the ship doesn't stand a chance.
Your mom is going to need a lot of support. We have all been through this and understand you don't get over it in a few weeks. You will have many pieces to pick up and glue back together, but it will never be the same.
I have been a very active business owner since my early 20s and I suddenly thought I was losing it after I lost my husband. I couldn't remember anything! I started making lists and writing things down. Sometimes I would get the paper and pen and forget what I got them for. That scared me! I started researching this problem, to find out what was wrong with me. I kept getting these references for GRIEF. One of them led me here and I learned that this forgetfulness is NORMAL. It's part of the grief process we go through and I am not going crazy. Please get your mom the help she is going to need. This will help you, so you will be able to focus on getting the help you need for yourself.
You can talk about anything you are feeling, as often as you need to here. You are not alone. We are all going through this together, one day, one minute at a time. God Bless, Marilyn

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