Daddy's little girl, with only memories.
I'm 15 and my daddy died just over two weeks ago. He had cancer, but we never thought it would come to this. We didn't even call it cancer because i didn't even think it was as serious as most others you commonly hear about. He died in the first 10 minutes of Monday and on the Thursday/Friday/early Saturday before I didn't even think it would come to this.It wasn't until the Saturday night when i came back from my part time job he was in bed with an uncontrollable, unbearable, 20 out of 10 pain.
He was so positive, we used everything from natural to chemical treatments, he went on planes to Florida from here (Ireland) just to find new ways to get through it. Everyone was so positive so the last thing on my mind and his was his death. He was a very strong man, 6ft 4, a huge man and great worker, the last thing he was going to do was die, he was so so determined. In maybe May, my mother told me "I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't here in two years, it could still be over 10, but i'm just warning you" I left and cried and cried. Now i would be unbelievably grateful if i had got those two years.
All my brothers are older than me, 3 of them. Two have upcoming weddings that my father will not be there for. My family are incredibly close but the times when i am by myself, I don't want to cry to my mother, i want to be strong for her. When i'm alone sometimes at night i just can't control myself with the tears, i think back to that Sunday in the hospital, the time of his death when we were all there holding his hand, how we actually got through it, thinking back shocks me. I don't know who i can talk to, despite the hundreds that say, "i'm here if you need me," none of them understand.