Dads passing on 25th august

by Lorraine

Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer in january 2014. He was told at this time that there was nothing which could be done for him in terms of treatment and it would be a matter of months before he died. He died on 25th August. My brothers and sister were at his side. I chose not to be there for my own selfish reasons (my husband was in a terrible accident 3 yrs ago and i have been traumatised as a result of attending the hospital during these yrs). I didnt think i would take my dads death as bad as i have. I am wrecked with guilt. I didnt say goodbye, i should have been there for him in his last hours. My siblings say i wouldnt have wanted to be there as he was in so much pain. Im filled with anger also. Throughout my dads illness my mum who is in her 70,s was promised a hospital bed at home, palliative care, *acmillan cancer nurses etc. my mum got zero help right up until the end. Im so angry also that my dad wasnt given a driver even though he was writhing around in pain for approx 6 hrs a few hrs prior to his death. Why did the hospital let him suffer despite mum asking the hospital staff to do something. Im just so angry and upset that he had to suffer like this. I dont know how to get over this.

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Sep 13, 2014
by: Lorraine

Hi there, thank you for your comments. In an odd sense it comforts and helps to know i am not the only one feeling like this. I am so sorry for not only your loss but the terrible experience you went through. My mum was forced to be my dads carer despite being in her 70's and has 2 hip replacements so i understand just how exhausted and traumatised you must be. Having never experienced cancer in our family until now i hope and pray to god that i never have to go through this again. The pain and agony my father went through will never be forgotten and i am disgusted at the lack of pain relief. You wouldnt let an animal suffer like this. It makes me extremely angry when i think about it and i hope that i never have to go into hospital. I have already emailed Cruse thank you as i have my life ahead of me and dont want to hold onto the pain and anger. This website has been a great source of comfort also.

Sep 11, 2014
Dads passing on 25th August
by: Doreen UK

Lorraine I am so sorry for your loss of your Dad, and for the trauma you suffered after your husband's accident. Don't be so hard on yourself to say you were selfish and did not attend your father in the latter stages of his illness. You had your reasons.
I can understand your anger issues and you may be helped by seeing a CRUSE bereavement counsellor for support.
My husband suffered a lot of pain due to a rare and serious cancer caused by working with asbestos. I cared for him for 3yrs.39days before he died 2yrs. ago. It was a horrendous cancer journey. Our medical services are not good and the support very minimal. The macmillan nurses do a good job. BUT for some this is not the experience. Our macmillan nurse said she would see us in 2 weeks which turned into 2 months. Before this we did not see a macmillan nurse for 18 months and the oncologist asked us if we were getting support. My husband said he felt abandoned. The oncologist jumped to his feet, went next door to get the macmillan nurse and we did get support for a while. There were times I was screaming down the phone for someone to come and give my husband an injection of morphine and they waited 3hours to finish their clinic. They wouldn't give my husband the syringe driver because of MONEY. The community nurse said if the macmillan nurses can fund the driver they would put it in. Put in too late. My husband died that day but suffered the terrible cancer pain. I have such bad painful memories and I still feel very angry and can do nothing about this. I don't have the energy to fight another battle. In 2005 when my husband had encephalitis I had to fight to the top at Healthcare Commission. Our GP came to our home and admitted mistakes were made. He apologised. I had a breakdown with the strain of this fight for justice and good medical care. I had to let this one go. But still angry. One doctor was angry also at the disgrace of denying a dying man pain medication. How many more are suffering out there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.!

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