Dallas Skidmore: 37 yr old Diabetic son

by Lucy Dudley
(Sevierville, TN)

Sevierville, Tn It’s August, 2011. It will be two years November 28, 2011, since my only child, my 37 year old diabetic son passed away. Almost two years later I still feel like my heart has been cut open, I am severely wounded. I try to move forward but keep falling backwards. I can’t ignore the awful emptiness in my life. Nothing can fill that space. There is no peace in any way, shape, or form, in the knowledge of his passing. I can’t find it. I’ve tried to go on, to function for the sake of everyone else around me. I find myself weeping inside my soul. No one can see or hear. Silent tears, silent pain and pure agony.

On top of this, I have been denied any contact with his then 10 year old only child, a girl. We were so close, and now her Mom has turned her against me, took her away from me. I lost them both the day my son died.

Life goes on, I breathe, I smile for others, I’m there for others, but inside I wish I had never taken another breath the moment my son died. I long to escape the hurt, the pain, the horrible sadness. I am at the point of feeling like I never existed and don’t exist now. I’m just here. I can’t do more, can’t be more. I've tried to understand the whys but it's all beyond my understanding. I have struggled to hold to God's unchanging hand and to trust Him.

People are all about fun and good times. There is nothing fun about this life to me. I’m anxious, ready, and willing to be with Jesus eternally. My heart desires to be with him. There is nothing left to hold me here.