Damn him!

by Alison

My husband died by his own hands on September 17,2009. I was 2 weeks away from having our 3rd son. There had been years of emotional abuse and I was tired of it. I was bring another child into this world and into this crazy life. I stood up for what I knew I had to do, that was protect the children. I really never thought that it would lead to a divorce but I needed to let him know I was serious about him getting help. He had been laid off his job,even though we had our own business that I run, he would never help. I was weeks away from having a baby and working 60 hours a week. Sleeping in a separate room and hating every minute of my life. I woke up to a phone call from an employee saying someone had called in, I asked him to go help and he refused.
I got dressed and as I was walking out the door turned around and said" I am going to seek help and I need you to too". " you find someone to talk to and I will do the same. At some point we will meet together and work on us."
He had so many issues with his childhood and his parents that he couldn't come to terms with. I knew he needed to be ok with his past before we could work on our marriage. I left for work and came home after picking up our oldest from school. Walked in our bathroom and he was dead in the shower, sitting in a chair with a towel over his head. Gun shot through his head.
I later find out that he has had a past of threats to do this and he family never mentioned this to me. His mom told me for years to leave him, then when this happened she said" I could have told you he would do this if you we're going to leave him"
It has been 3 years. I have a 10, 7 and 3 year old. And now the most amazing husband. A great life but not a day goes by that I don't think of this. And wonder WHY?

Comments for Damn him!

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Jan 17, 2013
by: Des

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the horror and sadness you must of felt when you found him. My husband of 9 years died on 1/8/13 of a heroin overdose. I to was divorcing my husband I feel guilty, if I had been there maybe I could of saved him. I wonder the same thing, WHY? He was so young only 28 and with a 2 year old daughter. We may never have the answers to our ? But one day when its our time all of our ? Will be answered. May your husband and mine rest in peace.

Dec 30, 2012
Damn him!
by: Doreen U.K.

Alison I am sorry for your loss of your husband to suicide. I am sorry for your painful life with a very damaged husband that ended in tragedy.
I feel very sad because I know how he could have been helped if he went into counselling. Sometimes it is only one person that can make a difference to a relationship if they go to counselling. I was bruised by life. I wanted to make things better for my family. I went into counselling in my 40's. Most of the damage was already done by me handing down my insecurities to my children. But I did years in counselling. GOT MY LIFE BACK. for the first time I was HAPPY. I was in my 40's when I started. Going into counselling did make a difference to how I related which benefited the family on a daily basis of interaction. I was able to resolve my difficulties in a counselling room. I then gave back 8 yrs. In Mental Health to voluntary work. I am SAD for what you went through in Life. I am SAD for your late husband and how miserable and depressed he was that he found no way out but to end his Life. He may have been too depressed and lacked motivation to support you when you needed this. he was needy and your social services could have supported you all as a family.
You are in a happier place now. I strongly suggest that you go into counselling to resolve the issues around your life before husband 2. You will be giving your present life a better chance of survival and happiness by doing this for yourself and your family. This is the only way that you are going to get over your TORTURE in your first relationship. I hope it works out for you. I am so HAPPY for you and that you have had a better ending to your story. Be HAPPY. LOSE ANY GUILT YOU HAVE. Let a counsellor support you.
Best wishes and Every Happiness for the future.

Dec 30, 2012
by: Anonymous

Hi Allison,
I am so very sorry for you and the children. Have gone through this with my husband. To make a long, long story short this happened on August 20, 1978. I left him almost a year before that because I could no longer handle the pain and not being able to help. I no longer had it in me to fight, I've tried over and over again. A friend of ours, she was a doctor, offered to help him by offering us to stay with her. Anyway, it may have been cowardly of me to leave and move to the other side of the country. My darling mom found him in his apartment. My mom loved him very much and he loved her. He ended his life by hanging! Apparently my 4-year-old niece mentioned she saw something he did and I was not aware of it until later. I struggled with this and knew that his side of the family blamed me. That I could live with but the fact that they were not there for him I still cannot accept that. I left him because people all around me advised me it would be the best thing for him. I am not making excuses. Did not feel right and after his death I struggled with it for 13 years. I sat myself down and went over everything I could. Honestly...I cried and cried, I cursed, I started to hate him for leaving me. Over the years I have forgiven him and myself. Do hope he is at peace wherever he is. I am no longer angry, no longer hate him.
Allison, even now I he's in my mind. How can they not be, we once loved them and vice versa.
Talk to him then let go. Love and cherish each and every day with your husband and family.
Bless you and your family. May 2013 be a fun and loving year for all of you.

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