Dane, my little man..

by Paluine Turner
(Middlesbrough, England)

23/03/2011. Dane would have been with us 10 years come July had he not died last Friday. Dane was 2 and a half when we got him so when he died he was a relatively old man. Dane started to slow down on walks, I put this down to his age. There were a few other signs that he was not well but again I put it down to old age, dismissed it which I so regret now. I finally realised he was really poorly when on Wednesday morning we went out for our usually walk for Dane to stop at the top of the drive, head down, sad eyed then turn around to go back into the house. I immediately rang my vet who told me to take Dane in that afternoon for a check up which I did. To cut a long story short the vet found a "fullness" to Dane's tummy, arranged tests and X Ray for the next day which confirmed his suspicions of a "mass." Dane was operated on on Friday morning. His "mass" turned out to be "Hemangiosarcoma" a horrible Cancer that doesn't really show itself until the last stage which by then, is too late - Dane died on the operating table.

I miss my little man so much - I am in pieces. I miss that he isn't there when I enter the house, that he doesn't stand guard outside the bathroom door while I take a shower, so many other little things that were taken for granted while he was here, with us. I can't sleep, eat or settle. My house has been blitzed as I can't sit or relax, if I do I curl up and sob for him. I have so much guilt inside of me thinking that he must have suffered. My youngest son tried to make it better by saying that if I had taken Dane to the vet earlier we would have lost him earlier but I can't accept this. If I had taken him a week earlier he would have been at peace a week earlier. My husband and two sons seem to have accepted Dane's passing but I can't. Dane had helped me through a really bad time in my life. I was in a dark place, my family thought having a dog would help me which it did. I have so much to thank Dane for and now I feel I have let him down. I know the Cancer doesn't show it's evil self until it is too late but the guilt is there and always will be. My life is so empty without Dane - I feel lost.