Dane, my little man..

by Paluine Turner
(Middlesbrough, England)

My beloved, Dane.

My beloved, Dane.

23/03/2011. Dane would have been with us 10 years come July had he not died last Friday. Dane was 2 and a half when we got him so when he died he was a relatively old man. Dane started to slow down on walks, I put this down to his age. There were a few other signs that he was not well but again I put it down to old age, dismissed it which I so regret now. I finally realised he was really poorly when on Wednesday morning we went out for our usually walk for Dane to stop at the top of the drive, head down, sad eyed then turn around to go back into the house. I immediately rang my vet who told me to take Dane in that afternoon for a check up which I did. To cut a long story short the vet found a "fullness" to Dane's tummy, arranged tests and X Ray for the next day which confirmed his suspicions of a "mass." Dane was operated on on Friday morning. His "mass" turned out to be "Hemangiosarcoma" a horrible Cancer that doesn't really show itself until the last stage which by then, is too late - Dane died on the operating table.

I miss my little man so much - I am in pieces. I miss that he isn't there when I enter the house, that he doesn't stand guard outside the bathroom door while I take a shower, so many other little things that were taken for granted while he was here, with us. I can't sleep, eat or settle. My house has been blitzed as I can't sit or relax, if I do I curl up and sob for him. I have so much guilt inside of me thinking that he must have suffered. My youngest son tried to make it better by saying that if I had taken Dane to the vet earlier we would have lost him earlier but I can't accept this. If I had taken him a week earlier he would have been at peace a week earlier. My husband and two sons seem to have accepted Dane's passing but I can't. Dane had helped me through a really bad time in my life. I was in a dark place, my family thought having a dog would help me which it did. I have so much to thank Dane for and now I feel I have let him down. I know the Cancer doesn't show it's evil self until it is too late but the guilt is there and always will be. My life is so empty without Dane - I feel lost.

Comments for Dane, my little man..

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Mar 21, 2012
by: Anonymous

I just read when you wrote that you are still grieving & that your husband hopes you get over the loss & you think it best not to talk about it to anyone, well you will never forget the loss, & the moral of the story is animals are loyal more loyal than people. That is why they do not understand my children use to tell me I loved my animals more than people well they were right. An animal will never hurt you but a person well what can I say. I have the ashes of my animals in my bedroom in a beautiful ern made by Jim Shore, I say hello to them everyday in the bedroom. I also ordered from Kirks Folly the over the rainbow bridge wind chime, & a key chain from them. Have you ever heard of that poem look it up on the Internet it is called over the Rainbow Bridge, it is beautiful. I can't say about other people but I know I never stop missing my animals & it is so hard being without them.

Mar 21, 2012
Sorry for your loss
by: Jan

My heart goes out to I lost my best friend 2 years ago a yellow Lab named Dam, which did the same things as your Dame guarded the bathroom would not let me go anywhere without him. I still cry for him I still see him in every part of the house. My Dam was born with 2 bad hips & bad knees in the end he could just not walk anymnore & I would put him to sleep he died in my home he was 13 years old I miss him ever minute it does not get any easier, & I could not eat or sleep & could not sit still or want to stay in the house, after his death. I bought a new dog thinking that that would help but it does not not at all, I just received the email today & read your story, & again cried for you & myself. Our animals are loyal friends that never leave your heart. I am sorry for your loss.

Mar 20, 2012
A year has gone by..
by: Pauline

My first year without Dane has passed. Sunday was a bad day for me as that was the day Dane died. Never a day goes by that I don't think of my little man but Sunday was especially difficult. My husband is hoping that now the first year is over I will move on. I will do my very best not to talk about Dane as much as I do, but I can never forget him. x

Dec 31, 2011
I'm still missing my little man.
by: Anonymous

My first New Years Eve without Dane and it hurts. Dane hated fireworks and would find the smallest, darkest space to hide in. We have fireworks going off here in the UK but there is no Dane for me to worry about, no Dane to stroke and hug to calm him. I would give anything to have him shivering in my arms again. 9 months on and I still miss Dane terribly. Will it ever get better than this? :(

Sep 01, 2011
Pauline and Dane
by: Anonymous

Pauline: your testimonial tugged at my heart. I too lost a very important part of my life, 2 weeks ago today. His name was Logan. I am reading as many testimonials as I can to try to make sense of the pain I feel, and your story has made me feel less alone. Thank-you Pauline - and thank-you Dane.

May 14, 2011
Dam, my big baby boy
by: Jan

I know how you feel when reading your story, I moved to Florida from New York with 3 dogs & 4 cats they they were all up their in age, but never looked it or acted like it.
as soon as I moved here my first dog took sick the vet bill was $3000.00 to save her life well a month later she ran away someone had left the gate unlocked, I am pretty sure the Version people who were wiring the homes took the dog cause she would have found her way home again, I cried my eyes out forever still, Next my Lab took sick was 13 years old passed away in 2009.
Now since 2011 3 cats have passed away one right after the other I keep telling everyone that it is living in Florida that is doing it cause they were fine in New York.
The weather here is horrible for animals & humans.
I am heart broken when you said that your dog would stand watch at the bathroom well I use to have to bring my lab in the bedroom or he would keep barking for me, he use to lay right at the shower door I almost was not even able to open the door, he was my best friend as were all of them but he had my heart, cause when he was purchased for my son & I was given the job of than taking care of him he was born with 2 bad knees & 2 bad hips, so he was very spoiled.
I tell other people how I feel but they do not understand they tell me you took great care of them they were old It was their time to go, my answer was they were my family my best friends I cannot dismiss their loos so easy as others do.
I am heart broken, I really don't think I will ever get over this, so I do know how you feel I always say walk in my shoes than tell me how it feels, cause that is the only way anyone would ever know what it feels like to lose their best friends.

Mar 25, 2011
A week on.
by: Pauline

Thank you, Julie, for your kind words, I really do appreciate them.
For such a small being Dane was a massive part of my life. This past week has been a rollercoaster ride for me of ups and downs. I know life will get easier and to be honest, today I do feel slightly lighter in my mood as I have started to remember the good times and not the last few weeks of his life. I am going to see him this afternoon before his cremation. Some might say I am slightly mad for doing this but as I didn't get to say goodbye to him properly, this is the next best thing.

Mar 24, 2011
I feel your aching heart
by: Julie

No matter how your lose a member of your family, if it is a week earlier, or a week later, it is Never never easy. It is the hardest thing to do. I had to make that terrible decision to let go of my best friend Tigger, my 13 year old maine coon mix cat a little over 1 year ago, and it truly IS the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Even harder than having a 15 week premature baby, that is now 100% healthy. You are right about how your pet grows up with you and shares in all the times you struggle through. They help you through it and offer unconditional love. I went through all the crying and feelings of loss that you are describing. It will get better slowly. Remember you are very lucky to have had such a wonderful friend.

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