Danny, The Love of My Life

by Brenda Richison
(Bowie, TX. U.S.)

I met Danny through a good friend, I worked with. We hit it off. Seems like we had alot in common. We both liked to hike, fish, hunt, and that's what we did for the next 6 yrs. together. We lived in a 16 ft. camp trailer, slept in a twin bed, but was never, ever, so happy. We had a couple of fights like everyone else, but for the most part I felt finally loved! True, soul-mate, love!

Then in 1996 we started splitting up. I was crushed as if hit by a semi when I learned my Danny had cheated on me. I packed my stuff and moved out. Met someone else, and as he learned of it, came begging me back. I went back and of course, "once a cheater-always a cheater". And with the same woman! I stood my ground finally and stayed away.

I met a guy looking for a room-mate and we moved in together. Danny got wind of this and came to the house and handed me a note that read," You can find me at your swimming hole. Take care of my dog." I ran after him, jumping in his truck, not saying a word. He drove to his trailer. Everything was as I left it, even my 22 over-and-under shotgun.

I unloaded it and laid the bullets on the bed. That was my mistake. He wrestled the gun away from me. I ran to the door to go tell the neighbor and that's the last I heard his voice forever. He said "Bye, Baby. You can have everything", and he fell onto the floor still breathing, but bleeding from a gunshot wound to the head!

I ran to the shop and dialed 911 and threw the phone, went back to Danny screaming his name, professing my love to him, and gave him CPR, till the ambulance got there. He died on the way to the hospital. I went into shock, denial, and cried uncontrollably.

I moved to Texas with my children and family. I am taking therapy, have attempted suicide myself many times, and am permanently mentally damaged by him doing that in front of me. I heard the gun go off in a dream one night a yr. later. To this day I miss my Danny. If only I'd went back to him, maybe he'd be beside me now.

Little did I know I'd lose 3 friends in one month. From suicide in 2002 and my middle son in 2004. 11 months later my sister died and here I sit today trying to deal with all this. I am grieving for my son, cause there were so many deaths together.

Half the time I don't know which way to go. I am getting group therapy, meds, and psychiatric help. My problem is not crying. I've blocked so much out of my mind to keep from hurting, that I feel totally dead inside. I'm not scared to die, I'd prefer it, but I have a purpose here,I guess. I don't know what, but God seems to want me to stay here. He must have a plan for me.

Till I find out what, I guess I'll stick around for awhile. I have my faith back that I lost along the way, and hope that the future will look brighter for me. I'll take all the help and prayers that you all can give me. God Bless!