Dead in one day and abandoned the next.

by Susan
(Chicago)

I'm 48 years old. I have devoted my life to my husband and 3 children. I came from a very dysfunctional and broken family. I never wanted to have that happen to my children. I've been happily married for 29 years now. We've had a couple separations but nothing too serious.
I found out that my middle aged son wanted to live in Japan. He has his BS degree in international studies and got a job this year overseas. So, say "good-bye". That was in March.
Then I learned my daughter (only daughter) was addicted to Nor co (medication she was on from the doctor). Go to rehab. Welcome the roller coaster ride of our lives.
Then my beagle of 7 years gets sick and DIES the next day. Two days later, I suffered a cardiac arrest (minor due to stress). Two days past that my daughter relapses again. She moves out and I have no idea where or what she is doing. Crazy???
This has been the year of losses....mamatini621@aol.com. If you have read this and can relate. Send me an email. Thanks for listening. Peace. If you can find it, share it.

Comments for Dead in one day and abandoned the next.

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Aug 02, 2012
Not Clear
by: Judith in California

Susan, You are not alone and I'm sorry for your situation. I understand how you are feeling. Please don't blame yourself for what your daughter has done. And your son is doing great. You can at least call him and write letters. AS for your daughter well that hurts like hell. You didn't say if your husband is alive or if you are together. So the dead in one day and abandoned is not quite clear.
My husband of 35 years died almost 2 years ago and afterwards 4 of 5 stepchildren abandoned me. I was told by one we just tolerated you because of Dad. These kids were 5 , 7, 9, 14 and 16 when we married. I never said an unkind word to any of them. Then 2 months later my son became verbally abusive (disrespectful over several months to where I told him to leave and if he could not be respectful to me to just stay away from me. He left and cut off all communication with me. I cut off all support because he is 47 years of age and needs to learn some lessons. So I pray nightly for his safety and that God will lead him to where he needs to be. My heart aches for the loss of both husband and son. one in death and one from his selfisness.

I have a neice who was doing drugs and she just was hell bent on doing it her way and one night after "partying" with her husband she drives them home and on the way has a single car accident that killed her husband of 18 years, the father of her children. I'm afraid for my sisters ( her mother) health as she has had 2 heart attaacks in the past. I call her and tell her she was a good mother and her daughter has to accept the fact it's her drugging that killed her husband.

So like you Susan, you have done your best and you are not to blame yourself. Your daughter will have to face the consequences of her actions of lack thereof and you must do what is best for you now. Talk with God and ask for strength to go forward and for your daughters safety.
I hope this helps you in some way.

Aug 02, 2012
Dead in one day and abandoned the next
by: Doreen U.K.

Susan we live in a dysfunctional world. I don't know of any family that is not dysfuncional in some way. DEATH and becoming bereaved is also a way of families becoming dysfunctional, if they didn't have too much dysfunction there already.
No parent wants to experience their children becoming dysfunctional. You said you had 2 minor separations but nothing too serious. Even a little trouble in a marriage can cause children to go off the rails. We live in a difficult world with economic problems and worries about kids in school and what is happening there. It is no wonder that families become fractured and dysfunctional. What is difficult is when children become adults and cause more problems for parents. They don't mature.
My sister had 4 children. Her husband left her. She took on his 4 children also from his previous marriage. She had to bring up 8 children all alone. She took on as it were the world. She is the most loving mother ever. Her son and step children went off the rails. LOVE was not enough. They had needs she could not fulfill. She did an excellent job. She had a nervous breakdown. She had no money. She has had to struggle all her life and now retired she still has to work 3 jobs to survive. She has children who care and are good to her. But her Son Daniel is in rehab fighting to live. We are all worried. I have my own worries with my Adult children. As parents we have BOUNDARIES. We care. We want to go on caring. But when do we LET GO and allow our children to become Adults and carry the consequences for their CHOICES. Without us as parents always being held to account for those CHOICES our children make. We can't punish ourselves forever for the dysfunction. Try counselling for YOU so that you can FREE YOURSELF of STRESS. Having a heart attack is serious. It will help no one if you lose your LIFE. Hope things get better in the future.

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