Dealing with regrets
My husband, David died Jan 19th. He had lung cancer that spread to his brain and liver. When he got diagnosed he was stage 3 and they took out the upper part of his left lung. He had pain from that surgery until he died. He did 6 months of chemo after surgery. Then he was in remission for 6 months. Then he started having issues with fluid build up around his lung. We found out the cancer was back. He was in and out of the hospital till he went on hospice. He did the first round of chemo the second time and when he went to the second time we found out cancer was in the brain so the oncologist said no more chemo. Instead my husband did ten days of radiation to the brain. He had mental issues and sickness with that. He went on hospice and died at home. But I have so many regrets. I heard him breathing weird and I didn't get up and check on him cause he made sounds when he slept on his back. I have deep regret that I didn't check on him and tell him I loved him and it was okay to go. I feel guilty cause he died alone in his room. My daughter said he was breathing when she got here to clean and she believes he waited till she got here to go so I wouldn't be alone. I still feel regret and guilt. Online today I read when the heart stops the brain still goes on for 17 minutes and I regret not knowing that and saying I loved him. I don't how to move on. We've been together 32 years. We were both disabled and he did lots of stuff for us. I can't drive and my income was cut in half. I can't imagine living with grief the rest of my life.