Dear God, Please Give Me Strength
My Guardian Angel Watch over Billy
1 year 10 months and guess what? I'm still here....
Is it the second year that's most painful... it looks like it to me.
I find you in the shadow of my mind, floating along the edges of time and memories, wondering where you are and when you'll be here. But your not here. You were and now your gone. One day I'm OK and the next, a song on the radio, words spoken with friends and then a thought and your gone. Where does time start and when does it stop?
I have a place where I sleep, where I eat and some place to live in, is it a home, NO ~ home is where the heart is and my heart still belongs to Billy and he's not here.
How is one suppose to survive when the love of our lives, the beat of our hearts, my best friend is now gone. Who wrote the book of loss because I want to know the next steps to keep my sanity because its gone, our lives are gone.
I miss your smile, your laugh and the way you always teased me. I'm still lost without you, I'm still crying. My soul feels as if its being torn apart. I try to drink to forget but when you drink you can't forget so why even do it. I've cried an ocean of tears, wished upon every star but the pain of sorrow and heartache because your there and I'm here alone leave me exhausted, beaten and tired.
So very tired of being alone. Friends and family have come and gone but my life remains in turmoil and devastation leaving me wishing and wanting something I can no longer have in this life.
I know you wait for me but time here feels to long, so painful, me wanting you back, back to a life where we loved and lived together. Laughing, crying, fighting over stupid stuff. I can only ask once more as I did in that Hospital before the news of you came, Dear God, please give me the strength for whatever may come... So I ask again once more...
Please God, give me strength...
1 step, 1 breath at a time....