"Dear Mommy"

by Starr
(Oklahoma City, OK)

Dear Mommy

I know you are sad that I had to leave
And you don’t understand why I couldn’t breathe
And I know it doesn’t help you that I am no longer in pain
But I promise I hear you every time you call my name

I try and touch you and comfort you when you cry
And I know you don’t understand why I had to die
Sometimes I hold you as you fall asleep
The tears sometimes don’t stop as you continue to weep

I try and let you know I am there
I see you hugging my bunny and my teddy bear
And I caress your face
But sometimes it doesn’t help as you stare at the corner
That used to be my space

I see you hold my clothes searching for that baby smell
I just wish I could stop you from believing that you are in hell
Precious Mommy I know you miss me more every day
And I know you struggle as look for answers, something to say

I can feel how much you miss me every minute of the day
But even though I tried I just was not meant to stay
Please don’t think I ever held you to blame
It was just my time, I had to go
They called my name

I know you wish to hold me just one more time
Just remember,
As much as I was yours, you were also mine
My heart knows how much you loved me
Even though you had to let me go

And even after death I promise you I know
Sometimes while you are sleeping I curl up next to you
And I sing our song just like you used to do
I curl my fingers around yours just like I always did
And I place butterfly kisses upon each eye lid

Please don’t ever believe that I didn’t know how much you loved me
Because I felt it every time I breathed
This world was just too cruel for me to stay too long
And I know you are angry and it feels so wrong

But now instead of you watching over me
I watch over you every single day
And I will always be your strength in every way
And even though, it was time for me to depart
I did not die
Because I live in your heart.

Love Always
Your Daughter Malia

3/4/08

I wrote this poem in a daze, not understanding what I was even typing, so I like to believe that Malia spoke these words and I wrote them down.