I cant even begin to explain how sad, and hurt I am that you are no longer here. I try everyday to find the bright spots you had in my life but right now it is so hard. I love you more than life it self, and i am trying to hard to move along.You were my everything and still are.I am so glad i was able to tell you all the things i wanted to tell you. My pain runs so deep. my mother was my best friend, my number 1
Every night I ask for your help...please help me move on, please come to me in my dreams tonight, say you're okay and that you're here with me. I feel as though a piece of me is missing. I cry myself to sleep and put your picture under my pillow, hoping it will bring me some comfort. I thought during your fight with cancer that I was feeling so strong, so hopeful, so realistic. Now you are gone and I feel so week, so hopeless and the pain feels deep in my soul. I was worried about my job while getting you to all the chemo treatments and caregiving and now I don't seem to care about my job. I can't seem to focus and I miss you every day. I regret not spending more time with you before the cancer. I regret not paying enough attention to the way your appearance and health was changing that we recognized before you had your stroke and before the cancer onset and catching it earlier. I'm so sorry, Mom. I feel so lost in my grief, my sorrow and my regret. I miss your Irish eyes a smiling. I miss being able to tell you about my troubles at home and how unhappy I am in my marriage right now. I love you Mom. I'm trying to move on and be "the rock" again. It's so hard.
