by Ashley Miller
I wish there was a way I could go back in time to change all the things I had done in the past! I wish I could take all that back and replace it with things that would’ve made you proud to say “yes she is my grand-daughter” But I can’t take any of that back, all I can say is I am so sorry for EVERYTHING I put you threw! You have NO IDEA how much I miss you! I’m still in a trance since you’ve passed… I come over to your house open the door and tell myself I’m going to come over and talk to you and of course I can’t.
You were ALWAYS there for me and I can’t thank you enough for that! I consider this a great loss because I thought of you as my Father. You took me in when you could’ve retired and enjoyed your remaining years and instead you took in a brat teenager like myself. Our family is becoming divided and I’m not sure how to take all of this… you were the glue to this family even though you thought were nothing to your sons and daughters. I wish I had spent more time with you…I love you soo much!!!!!! I have no idea why I’m writing this… I just want to feel like I’m talking to you.
Please forgive me Peepaw PLEASE! If I could turn back the hands of time and do everything over I would go back to that night I left you and meemaw over my pride… you begged me to stay and I pushed you away… to this day I see your face and the disappointment in your eyes. There is not a day that passes that I don’t think about that stupid choice I made that night.
I laugh at some of the memories I have of when we lived in the single wide trailer I’m living in now at that dinner table facing the window to the garden… all those lectures, do you remember what I told you? I said “I wish you would just spank me and get it over with” I’m crying now just thinking of this but I wish I could go back and listen to what you were trying to tell me all those years ago… just to sit there, look in your eyes and listen.
Years ago when you and meemaw lived at Feather sound, dad use to get onto me for crying EVERYTIME I would leave your house… do you know why I was crying? I was thinking that I couldn’t bare the thought of loosing you… and now I’m sitting here… and your gone. I don’t know what has come over me to all of a sudden break down but I am and it hurts so bad! I just want you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. I want my children to be able to know the strong man that had a hand in raising there mommy. I wanted them to be able to spend more time with you but I will keep your memory alive and raise them as you raised me with love, morals, self-confidence and discipline.
If there was one thing that I could say to you now it would be you meant the world to me and I love you! I know I didn’t show it for a number of years but I really love you Peepaw! You were my rock, my protector…. My peepaw! Thank you for taking time our of your life to raise me… to teach me that life is more than just a boy… more than those horrible hormones haha… I’m going to miss you dearly! I will always have a special place in my heart for you…in fact believe it or not my conscience is your voice… I hear you all the time and it brings somewhat of a comfort knowing that I can take you everywhere with me. You said to me many years ago that “I wont be there to hold your hand, there will come a time when you have to face the world without me” I still don’t feel like I’m ready but I have all the things that you taught me and I can take all of that wisdom and apply it to my life and pass it down to your great-grandchildren who will hopefully pass it down the lines of generations to come.
I love you with all my heart and soul peep… I hope you know how much I love you and how much I’m going to miss having you to watch the Seminole games with, to listen to your jokes or your wise cracks which by the way bubba got that from you… and your awesome hugs… you will be greatly missed by me and a army of others. RIP My strong, handsome Peepaw.
Your Stubborn Grand-daughter,
RIP Peepaw 04/27/1942-09/09/2012