Dear sweet momma

by Erica
(Minnesota)

My mom died July of 2013 in a horrible car accident. I know the grief that I am going through is completely normal (or so says my grief counselor), but I feel as if I am dying on the inside. People make comments that I seem to be doing ok, but my kids lost their grandma, I lost my best friend, and I am not ok. Not at all.
I am a little mad at my mom. She made a mistake and paid for it with her life...but how do I know that is all that happened? What if the other driver was distracted? So many "what ifs"...and I have come to realize that those what ifs will break my heart even more than it already is.
Is she ok where ever she is? I want to believe that she is ok, but I just don’t know. I hope that she is at peace with what happened and that she knows that we will all be ok. We miss her so so so much, but we have to move on with life and I have to get to a point that I can deal with the crazy emotions with a sudden loss. I hate that life just moves on. My world has been turned upside down and life just keeps moving on.
I fear the day that people stop asking me how I am doing...but at the same time I don't want people to ask.

Comments for Dear sweet momma

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Dec 20, 2013
Thank you so much
by: Erica

Doreen - I wanted to thank you for the response. Something that I have figured out is that time doesn't heal...time just helps me deal with all of this a little better.

I have found that I am cherishing the moments with my family more (not that I wasn't before - but things are different now).

Therapy is helping a little. I find it very easy to talk to my therapist - about anything. Honestly, I try to put it all out of my mind -and I have the time I grieve by myself. I can't be a basketcase all the time, although I probably would be if i wasn't so busy all the time.

I have had a few signs here and there...not really sure what they mean yet, but I am hopeful that they mean that she is ok and watching down on all of us.

Nov 07, 2013
Dear sweet momma
by: Doreen UK

Erica I am sorry for your loss of your mom so suddenly to a tragic road accident. Part of our grief is to wonder about the "What if's?" This is normal. Don't try to just be so accepting that life moves on and so should you. Accept that you feel so utterly lonely and miserable and you can't cope some days. Tell it like it is. Don't hold back even in counselling. I have done the counselling bit and it works. You just have to be allowed to express how you feel without judgement. It is horrible going through life now without the one's we have lost. Life will never be the same again. I lost my Mom 10yrs. ago and my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago and it hurts so much to have these two important people to me never be in my life again. My husband was always here to share these major sorrows with me. Now I have to feel the sorrow of losing him. We all feel the same with our loss. IT HURTS. and it is VERY PAINFUL. We wonder how we will get through another day. I did it ONE DAY AT A TIME. It is amazing how helpful this advice is. Even after 18 months of grief I still can only take one day at a time. I can't plan ahead at all. My family is asking me what I am doing for Christmas. My daughter is wanting me to help plan her week off for her birthday so she makes the most of her special day. I can't. I can't look ahead. I feel as if I am stuck in each day. I just wait for the day to arrive and then tackle it. I don't know when this will change. But different for each of us.
I hope your counselling goes well and you soon start to feel healing take place and your pain feels less. We all know we have to move on but now is not the time to rush this. We all move at different paces. Just be gentle with yourself. Crying is the biggest part of grief and the healing process. I wish you better days ahead.

Nov 07, 2013
Dear sweet momma
by: Doreen UK

Erica I am sorry for your loss of your mom so suddenly to a tragic road accident. Part of our grief is to wonder about the "What if's?" This is normal. Don't try to just be so accepting that life moves on and so should you. Accept that you feel so utterly lonely and miserable and you can't cope some days. Tell it like it is. Don't hold back even in counselling. I have done the counselling bit and it works. You just have to be allowed to express how you feel without judgement. It is horrible going through life now without the one's we have lost. Life will never be the same again. I lost my Mom 10yrs. ago and my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago and it hurts so much to have these two important people to me never be in my life again. My husband was always here to share these major sorrows with me. Now I have to feel the sorrow of losing him. We all feel the same with our loss. IT HURTS. and it is VERY PAINFUL. We wonder how we will get through another day. I did it ONE DAY AT A TIME. It is amazing how helpful this advice is. Even after 18 months of grief I still can only take one day at a time. I can't plan ahead at all. My family is asking me what I am doing for Christmas. My daughter is wanting me to help plan her week off for her birthday so she makes the most of her special day. I can't. I can't look ahead. I feel as if I am stuck in each day. I just wait for the day to arrive and then tackle it. I don't know when this will change. But different for each of us.
I hope your counselling goes well and you soon start to feel healing take place and your pain feels less. We all know we have to move on but now is not the time to rush this. We all move at different paces. Just be gentle with yourself. Crying is the biggest part of grief and the healing process. I wish you better days ahead.

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