Death every two years...

by Chelsea

I had an amazing childhood full of love and nurturing. But ever since I was sixteen, I have been around death, more than someone my age should have to endure. I know going through these hardships only makes you stronger, but no one talked about the pain that you new to go through to overcome it. I had watched my grandpa be taken off life support in 2008 on my grandma's birthday. Follow by hearing my sister ambulance sirens in the middle of the night in 2010. Then finally in 2012, I had to watch and wait for my mom to die in front of me. I am only 22 right now.

My grandpa died due to multiple diseases and heart failure, but lived a long and happy life. Where my sister was killed by a hit and run driver only a mile from our home. Her case was never solved leaving my family with no closure and my two nieces without a mother and two different dads. My sisters death caused my mom, who was already suicidal to go into a deep depression. The only reason she stayed alive was for my nieces. But her health began to give way and her mind started to fade away changing her from the strong and loving woman I once knew and wanted to be like as a mother into a mindless person I didn't know anymore. Eventually wanted to give up living and had my other sister, my aunt and grandma decide on letting her go.

From when my sister died until now I have been living in Chicago and moved out here from Michigan only two months after she died. I know moving out here to go to college, get my degree and work in my field was the right choice which I have achieved now. But i regret not being able to mourn with my family and be there with my mom before the end. And now I am moving back to reconnect with my family and it scares me like no other. When I come home to visit I only feel like a guest but now I will be home for good and I am not the same person I once was. I have little family left now and they mean everything to me. But as strange as this may sound my family has a 2 year curse. With someone dying. My sister is getting married this year and I only hope that it bring better beginning to my family. But deep in my gut I am scared that I will loose someone else I love. I don't think I could bare going through loosing someone else... I fear more for the death of someone I love than my own death which is strange to hear, only because I have never met anyone who feels the same way as me. But I know I should hold on to my faith but I just don't know what else to believe in anymore...

Comments for Death every two years...

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May 24, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous,
I guess you must feel as if you will never recover from DEATH and DYING, and losing people from your life. It is such a cruel experience you have been through. It would be enough to make anyone give up. Wondering what is next is a stressful way to have to live, but common after death.
If you don't know God, then try and acquaint yourself with Him and ask His Guidance and strength for life since you can't understand why you have lost too many people from your life and you don't have the confidence to carry on living like this. You also need to ask God to control your life, keep you safe, and give you a purpose to keep living. Because right now you don't have a purpose to go on in a life that is too hard to bear. Ask God for a Blessing on your life and on everyone you know and to guide you into a better future.

May 24, 2014
by: Anonymous

Ever since I was 10, I've dealt with death. My father died then my uncle died, then in 2009 my other uncle died. In 2011 my cousin shot herself in the head, then in 2012 I found my mother dead then last but not least, my brother drowned in the river. I'm only 22. I always wonder what will happen next.

Mar 13, 2014
It will get better, it just takes time
by: Kathryn

I'm so sorry for your losses. But you need to stay strong and remember that everyone you have loved and lost is looking down on you now and they don't want you to be sad it will get better I promise it just takes time, trust me I speak from experience, my mum died when I was young, I was very close to my dad and when he died I thought "what the heck have I got to live for" nothing was the answer but then someone reminded me that they would want me to be happy, because imagine how guilty they would feel if they saw me upset all the time because of them , you may not believe the same things that I do but just don't forget they will always be in your heart and mind. X

Mar 09, 2014
Missing Katie
by: Doreen UK

Anna Marie I am so sorry for all the losses in your life of people you loved but more so for the loss of your beloved young daughter Katie. I know what it feels like to be moving on doing things every day with a numbness that doesn't go away and you feel as if you are sleep walking through life. I still feel like this after 22 months of losing my husband. Had I not done the therapy/counselling bit some years before my husband died I would not have coped so well. No amount of therapy or counselling can shield us from having to go through Grief. This is the only way we receive our Healing and Recovery from Grief. BUT. Please don't be tempted to give up counselling/therapy too early thinking it isn't working. It is such a slow process of healing that you may not think anything is working or will get better. BUT IT DOES. I woke up one day to find my world suddenly changed. LIKE A MIRACLE. That pain I suffered for 40 years with depression had all gone. I became a WHOLE PERSON for the first time in my life. It was worth any amount of money to feel the way I did. I never knew what living was till after therapy/counselling. I still grieve the loss of my husband. But I feel amazing inside. WHOLE. 40yrs. of depression and suffering all gone in 4yrs. of therapy. May God reach down and heal your sorrow and broken heart and walk with you each day till you recover from grief.

Mar 08, 2014
Missing Katie
by: Anne Marie Diom

I know how upset you are but in the past two years I have lost so many people in my family. In 2012 I lost my mother-in-law, Jean,that I loved and then one month later my sister was found dead, either of a heart attack or a stroke. 2013 was the worst year. First my cousin Jimmy passed away in April, then my Mom's last living sibling, her brother, Ed in June. The worst death ever was my youngest daughter, Katie in September. She was 38 years old and left behind her daughter, Kaleigh. I will miss her forever! In December 2013 my cousin Jeff lost his son. Little Jeff exactly 3 months after Katie died. He was 32. In January my brother-in-law Mark died from kidney disease in Iowa. I could not even be there as my husband had a stroke on 1/6/14. and to top it all off one of Katie's best friends from childhood, Jason S. died in February from a glioblastoma. This has been so heart wrenching and I do not even know how I get up every day but I do. I just do what needs to be done. Counseling is helping but I feel numb every day like it's not happening to me. I don't know when I will ever smile again. The one thing that gives me hope is that Jason S. talked to Katie and bout Katie all the time and I know that they are together and she is not alone any more.

Mar 04, 2014
Death every two years.....
by: Doreen UK

Chelsea I am so sorry for your loss of your mom, sister, and other relatives from your young life. You are a very articulate mature young woman. Yes you are correct that we do become stronger from the trials and tribulations of life. BUT. Death is so painful when you lose a close loved one.
I can understand your FEAR of losing other people from your life. All the feelings you express is normal to grief. When I lost my husband to cancer 22 months ago I feared losing other members of my family and I still do worry about this. Most of us at one time or another can lose our FAITH. It is part of the struggles of living in a fallen world.
My nieces were angry at me marrying their uncle. I am a Christian. He became one when we married but hid it from his family. The nieces gave us trouble over the funeral. I respected their wishes and went against my husband's wish to be cremated. I gave him a good burial. We were married 44yrs. so I knew him well enough to know that he would have been happy with me respecting his families wishes for a burial. The family believe cremation brings a curse on them and so I did the right thing. But the nieces still put a curse on us. Most of what happened came true. I have a strong Faith in God and if I remember only one verse from the Bible it is: "NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU WILL PROSPER." Hold on to your FAITH. And let this verse be your daily reminder that God is your Protector. Lean on God all the time. Get your church on your side and let them know what is happening. This REALM OF CURSES is not something one can keep quiet about and handle on their own. It needs STRENGTH OF PRAYER. I understand everything you are saying. I can't go deeper but I have some stories to tell that have become testimonies to the POWER OF GOD in my life. I hope everyone on this site who are believers in the power of God will hold you up right now and on going before God for Protection and Guidance, and Strength. That all curses put on you will be sent back to those who sent them and that your family and yourself will be safe and free from all EVIL, HARM, AND DANGER. Ask God to remove FEAR from you and all Evil that comes in your path. PRAYER is the key to developing your Faith and crushing the enemy under your feet. God be with you and Your family and comfort you in your loss and give you all His Peace and Protection Always!

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