"Death - I Hate You"

by Donna

I hate you, Death!!!! You, who have made me a widow for the second time in five years. You, who took the love of my life from me. In the prime of his life at only 43 years old, You snuck in only days after we had celebrated my birthday and claimed him as your own. I hate you, Death, for making me the shell of the person I have become since you took my heart, my happiness, my world from me. I no longer even recognize the woman who looks back at me in the mirror. Who is she? She stands there with that broken, haunted look in her eyes, tears streaming down her face - a sight I see every day now. Where is the woman who had finally found happiness and love in her life, who looked forward to every day with the man who loved her and treated her like a princess. She's no longer here - You took her when You took him. Why did You leave that shell here on this earth? Why didn't You take her too? Now she prays every day, every night, that you, Death, will come back and finish your job. Take what's left of the shell so that she can finally be reunited with her love. For only then will she be complete again.

Comments for "Death - I Hate You"

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Mar 03, 2011
Death I hate you
by: M Mack

As a survivor of over 7 months of grief, I understand the pain you are in. The more you loved, the more intense the grief. You were cheated and it's so unfair. I can't even describe the pain I went through when Ray died. He was everything to me and more. After I went through the pain you are describing, I knew I couldn't allow it to get worse. I hit bottom and there was no way but up. Take this as your bottom, go to a support group and get help from your church, write, read, and come here to describe your feelings. We are all listening and feeling what you are going through. It's amazing how many are riding the roller coaster. I believe he is with you in spirit. He does not want you to suffer like this and can't rest until he knows you are ok. So promise us you will put your best foot forward and work on coming to terms with your loss one breath, one step, at your own pace. Prayers and hugs for you.

Mar 03, 2011
Life Seems so Unfair
by: TrishJ

Donna~ I am now at the anger stage of my grief journey. I'm mad at everyone and everything these days.
Grief is the price tag on love ~ the deeper we loved the higher the price we pay. I'm paying dearly. We all are on this web site. You have every right in the world to feel like you do right now. I mean.....twice in 5 years. You certainly have heartache shoved down your throat.
Don't you wonder why other people in this world don't suffer like we do?
How do we go on without the loves of our lives? I don't have the answer. All I can tell you is that you have to handle your grief in your way. Being around supportive people who love you is a huge help. That doesn't lessen the pain or fill up the lonely nights when you lay there and ache just to hear the sound of their voice.
It doesn't seem like it now but things will get better. If you can't do it alone don't be afraid to reach out for professional help or the help of friends.
God's blessings to you.

Mar 03, 2011
Why us?
by: Anonymous

I know how alone and angry you feel right now. It does alarm me when people want death to take them too. I personally never had those feelings.
I once sat at a light as a truck passed by and for a moment thought "It would be that easy wouldn't it?" But consider it? Never!

I do not know the reason that our loves were taken so soon. I know that saying who ever said life is fair? You have the right to be angry it is common in grief. I will have to go back and find out how new your grief is but apparently past the numb surreal stage and reality is pushing in all four walls.

I have never experienced so many emotions, some within a day. I am now just beginning to pull out of a long fog that stole my life. I do not know how long this burst of normal control will last. It has been 15 months on the 6th of March and yet another month passes.

It has been a long torturous ride of grief and often times I did not know how to survive the day.
The nights were even more lonely and unbearable.
Others here with fresh grief may guide you better.
Just know the that grief controls you, not you it and you need to ride out the days and nights.
Faking it till you make it. As always one breath
one step...

Mar 03, 2011
Thank you
by: Anonymous

This is everything I feel everyday as well. My guy was killed at age 38 and we both would be celebrating our 42 in a couple of weeks. I have dated but nothing that has any meaning to me. I really do not desire anyone. I know longer look at a handsome man and feel butterflies or nervous as I only desire one man. I still cry almost everyday and several times a day. Yes the pain is different now but non-the less easier or intense. I wonder every day I open my eyes "Why" and "When" will my heart stop aching? I see no future as I did before Al died. Reading this made me feel love, sadness and comfort. I wanted to be your friend instantly because I felt I was the only one to know this feeling. Thank you for writing your post.
Sara "Capone's Ink"

Mar 02, 2011
by: Donna

I hate death (cancer) also, I don't know why he didn't take us in pairs. It would have been so much easier (on me any way). I too look in the mirror and see a lost soul. Since he has died (oh god I said it, he DIED) I see so many more wrinkles, he was my fountain of youth. Everyone has always said how young we both looked. But now my fountain of youth is gone and I am aging really fast now and I don't care. I can't wait to be with my love once again this time forever. But until then I take baby steps one breath and one day at a time

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