Death is picking off people I care about

In the past year I have lost 5 friends. One of which I was in love with. She died at 17. The pain from her loss is the heaviest on me. She was so young, so beautiful, and had so much to offer the world. I still feel her with me sometimes...

One was my best friends brother. Though him and I weren't terribly close I knew him personally and he was a grade A human being. It kills me to know he won't get to bless the world with his mind, kindred spirit, and everything he had to offer. It hurts me twice as bad to see my best friend, whom I have considered to be a brother for 10 years, hurt. He died of a heart condition at 27.

Another was a friend of mine from college I saw ever so often. She was murdered by her boyfriend, which I suspect to be drug related. She died at 23.

The fourth person I was relatively close to. She was part of my graduating class in high school, and we would occasionally spend time together and wax intellectual. I was very fond of her, she was exceptionally brilliant. She died of a drug overdose 4 days ago at the age of 24.

The fifth was a young friend of mine, that I didn't know very well, but was a frequent in my intimate circle. She died of drugs at the age of 20.

And that is just what has happened this year. I have lost others over the years. 2006 I lost a close friend to drugs, she was 24. Recently two close friends of of mine fathers' died, and though I did not experience their grief directly my heart broke for them.

I feel so numb inside. I wish I could trade my life for any one or all of them. But I know that isn't how it works.